THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. Purim Torah is a term used to describe humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim.

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40
votes
5answers
3k views

Rejecting others' friend requests on Facebook [closed]

Inspired by this question: If one receives a friend request on Facebook, especially from another Jew, is it permissible to reject them? On the one hand, "חברים כל ישראל" - "All Jews are friends"; ...
30
votes
11answers
1k views

Haman was Basar b’Chalav, so how could we eat him? [closed]

Esther 3:5 says, “וימלא המן חמה” Haman was filled with butter. This would presumably make his flesh basar b’chalav, but Shemos 16:35 clearly says “ובני ישראל אכלו את־המן” the Children of Israel ate ...
24
votes
5answers
2k views

Surviving the zombie apocalypse? [closed]

One of Maimonidies 13 principles of faith is believing in the resurrection of the dead wherein the dead will arise from their graves. My question is have chazal provided any guidelines for how we are ...
20
votes
8answers
6k views

What does Judaism think of math? [closed]

Is it permissible according to halacha to do math? If so, are all kinds of math OK? This question and its answers are Purim Torah and are not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the ...
19
votes
6answers
3k views

How should a werewolf celebrate Pesach? [closed]

Werewolves are known for their transformation at the full moon. Unfortunately, for Jewish werewolves, this poses problems with holidays such as Pesach, Sukkot, (Shushan Purim, Pesach Sheini, Tu ...
17
votes
10answers
8k views

What is the Torah preferred brand of cell phone? [closed]

I have heard of Kosher phones. What do the classic sources (preferably Rishonim or earlier) say about the preferred type and brand of cell phone? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended ...
17
votes
1answer
421 views

What are the consequences of Vashti’s dual nature? [closed]

In Esther 1:9 we read, “ושתי המלכה עשתה משתי נשים” Vashti the queen was made of two women. Aside from being biologically surprising, what are the consequences of this in our understanding of the ...
16
votes
7answers
4k views

PTIJ: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? [closed]

The classic philosophical question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? So, according to Purim Torah Judaism, does it? Sources please. ;) This ...
16
votes
2answers
306 views

Why did I become queen? [closed]

I'm Ester from the Purim story. My uncle Mordechai advised me to ask here on Mi Yodeya why Hashem made me queen of Persia, as it says: וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת So, ...
15
votes
4answers
1k views

What's up with this strange new hechsher? [closed]

All of a sudden, I’ve seen the hechsher shown in these photos popping up on various products. I’ve never seen it before, and I don’t see it listed on any of the usual online hechsher lists. Have ...
15
votes
2answers
302 views

Laws of yichud in the Soviet Union [closed]

In Soviet Union, is there heter for man and woman to seclude in same room if there is chazaka that KGB is watching? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
13
votes
9answers
858 views

Who made the cholent? [closed]

Every week my wife and I have this problem. My wife cuts the potatoes and onions, adds the barley, beans and meat. But I spice the cholent! I always claim I'm the one who made it because we pasken ...
13
votes
4answers
474 views

heresy on Purim [closed]

On Purim we're supposed to engage in מִשְׁלוֹחַ מִנּוּת, the sending of heresy to our fellow Jews. What are some pieces of heretical literature that are appropriate for sending on Purim? Or ones you'd ...
13
votes
3answers
1k views

Is a diamond (♦) part of a moderator's name? [closed]

Assuming that moderators are on-topic; how are they called up for an aliyah? Is the diamond mentioned? It's been discussed before elsewhere on the network, though with an appalling lack of Jewish ...
13
votes
3answers
852 views

Is the “Special K” a reliable hechsher? [closed]

Recently, I saw this logo on a package of cereal: I couldn't locate any information on the web about this kosher symbol. Is this hechsher reliable? Who is the head mashgiach? This question is ...
12
votes
4answers
3k views

Is the Torah in the public domain? (If not, what license is it?) [closed]

The public domain is, put simply, a collection of works that can be used by anyone, that are not copyrighted. Is the Torah in the public domain? If not, how can we be printing and copyrighting it? ...
12
votes
5answers
1k views

Neder to not eat pizza [closed]

If I make a vow to not eat pizza, what can I not eat? On the one hand, it would seem that bread with sauce and cheese on it is called pizza, as that is what they give you in a pizza shop when you ...
12
votes
3answers
321 views

How big did Mordechai get, and was it only in the king's palace? [closed]

According to the Megillah (9:4), Mordechai grew to a very large size whenever he was in the king's palace (כִּי־גָדוֹל מָרְדֳּכַי בְּבֵית הַמֶּלֶךְ ... כִּי־הָאִישׁ מָרְדֳּכַי, הוֹלֵךְ וְגָדוֹל). How ...
12
votes
4answers
508 views

Am I yotzei bikur cholim by visiting someone's Facebook page? [closed]

Since people increasingly live their lives online can I be yotzei the mitzvah of bikur cholim by visting the choleh's Facebook page? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
12
votes
3answers
1k views

Why did the ignorant rabbis have to convert to Judaism? [closed]

Esther 9:17 says: ורבים מעמי הארץ מתיהדים "The ignorant rabbis became Jewish" I thought rabbis are already Jewish, even if they are ignorant! Why did they have to convert? This question is Purim ...
12
votes
2answers
149 views

Has anyone invented a cure for Yahrtzeit? [closed]

A few days ago, while in shul, I asked my friend if he wanted to meet me for bowling at 5 P.M. He said, "I can't because I have yahrtzeit." It sounded like a serious sickness, like "I have a cold", ...
11
votes
6answers
2k views

Who is this Lamar? [closed]

I recently wished the Bam community a happy Rosh Chodesh, and Isaac responded (or at least attempted to respond - he seemed to have begun his Purim festivities early) with: וכן למר Also ...
11
votes
4answers
3k views

Why do we not shower every night? [closed]

The Gemara in Megillah 7b is clear: חייב איניש לבסומי בפוריא A person must smell good in bed However, I have seen that people are not careful about this. In fact, I have known some Yeshiva ...
11
votes
2answers
108 views

Lo Yecheratz Kelev Lishono - What about other animals? [closed]

Rashi points out that because the dogs did not bark when the Jews left Egypt, they were rewarded with the basar neveilah. Since they were uniquely rewarded, this implies that all the other animals ...
10
votes
6answers
149 views

What did “נ ג ה פ” stand for before the miracle? [closed]

As is well known, the reason we play dreidel on Hanukkah is this: Before the miracle of Hanukkah, when the gentiles who controlled the land severely restricted Torah study, Jewish children would ...
10
votes
4answers
229 views

Mi Yodeya min HaTorah minayin? [closed]

In the spirit of Talmud Bavli Chullin 139b. The Talmud assumes that great future events are hinted to in the Torah. Well in that case... Mi Yodeya min HaTorah minayin (where is Mi Yodeya hinted at in ...
10
votes
4answers
266 views

Announcing the clock change in English? [closed]

It is well-known that the age-old, widespread, and correct practice is to announce the molad on the Shabbat preceding Rosh Chodesh specifically in the holy language of Yiddish. In contrast to this, in ...
10
votes
3answers
328 views

No Offense Loophole [closed]

(Inspired by this question) Who came up with the No Offense loophole of: No offense, but your sweater makes you look fat. OR No offense, but if you really think what you just said is true, ...
10
votes
4answers
322 views

Why don't Jews accept Our Lord and Savior? [closed]

Why don't Jews believe the Messiah has come? It's clear from all the Scriptures that He has come! We should all believe in Him! As it is written (Isaiah 53) But he was wounded for our ...
10
votes
3answers
149 views

May Sauron’s Ring be used for kiddushin? [closed]

May the One Ring be used to be mekadesh a woman? At least from one perspective, the Ring seems ideal, given the verse: אַשׁ נַזְגּ דֻּרְבַּתֻּלֻקּ, אַשׁ נַזְגּ גִּמְבַּתֻּלּ , אַשׁ נַזְגּ ...
9
votes
2answers
344 views

Are our moderators legal? [closed]

We know there is a famous Drash of "Som Tasim Alecha Melech". From here we have several Diyukim: Melech velo Malka - How do we have a woman mod? Melech (singular) - we can only have one mod. How do ...
9
votes
4answers
443 views

Why don't we celebrate Ben Drusai's Yahrtzeit? [closed]

Ben Drusai was one of the most influential figures in the history of halacha. His minimal contributions to the talmud grew over the years to entire sections of hilchos shabbos and there are even ...
9
votes
4answers
166 views

Why didn't Esther listen to Mordechai's instructions? [closed]

Mordechai instructed Esther the Queen, וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת Translation: Ask on Mi Yodeya if this is the reason you came to be a Queen. (It seems that ...
9
votes
4answers
130 views

Being Machmir in “Matanot Laevyonim” [closed]

Purim is always a rough time for me, as I am always worried about being mekayem Matanot Laevyonim properly. The problem is of course that if you share an עני with someone else, then if the other guy ...
9
votes
1answer
198 views

Why didn't Mordechai keep Mitzvos? [closed]

It says in the Megilla "ויאמרו עבדי המלך אשר בשער המלך למרדכי מדוע אתה עובר את מצות המלך" - "The servants of the King (who were in the King's gates) asked Mordechai 'Why do you go against the command ...
9
votes
3answers
143 views

Contract law and Dragons [closed]

There was a certain schul that I hate and I rented a dragon to devour the rabbi and the congregants. When the dragon returned from its reign of terror, I find out that it didn't eat all the people, ...
9
votes
2answers
173 views

Why did David only seem to prohibit a Moshav Leitzim? [closed]

This question mentions the prohibition against living in a Moshav Leitzim. My question is, what about a Yishuv Leitzim or a Kibbutz Leitzim or a Kfar Leitzim? How could David have been so ambiguous? ...
8
votes
5answers
238 views

What's an “achashvei”? [closed]

From my preschooler: What's an Achashvei? I know that a rosh is a head. I want to know what kind of head Achashveirosh was. Can you help me come up with a satisfying answer? I'd prefer not ...
8
votes
7answers
485 views

Eating Hamentashen on Purim [closed]

I've been wondering: how much hamentashen must one consume on purim? Is this independent of type or amount of filling? If not, what kinds of hamentashen qualify? This question is Purim Torah and is ...
8
votes
6answers
144 views

Why did Rabba have to get up to kill Rabi Zeira? [closed]

The gemara in Megila 7b says קם רבה שחטיה לרבי זירא Rabbah got up and killed Rabi Zeira. Why did he need to get up? Rabi Zeira was a short man, as we see in the bottom of Bava Metzia 85a קטין חריך ...
8
votes
2answers
184 views

whats the diffrence [closed]

Whits teh difference btween arur hAman and Baruch mosses? -- This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy
8
votes
3answers
171 views

Trapping during the week [closed]

The medrosh criticizes Eisov for trapping his father with questions such as "must one tithe salt," yet doesn't specify that it was shobbos, so there should be no melucha of "tzud"! Is this proof that ...
8
votes
2answers
226 views

Zachor from a non-kosher Sefer torah [closed]

We know that one is not yotzeh if he hears Zachor read from a non-kosher Sefer Torah. What is the process of kashering the Sefer Torah so it will be usable? Must one do hag'alah? Does hag'alah work, ...
8
votes
3answers
203 views

Perl Programming in the Torah [closed]

According to Rav xkcd (an oft quoted authority in Bam), the universe was written in perl. Since the Torah is the blueprint of creation, it follows that it must contain a Perl Programming manual. Where ...
8
votes
3answers
309 views

What is the text of kiddush for Purim night? [closed]

My Otzar Hatiflus siddur only has the Kiddush for Purim day. What is the text of Kiddush for Purim night, and how does one incorporate havdala when Purim begins on Motzai Shabbat? This question is ...
8
votes
5answers
381 views

If I am obligated to be drunk all the time, how is Purim different? [closed]

We all know the halacha of עִבְדוּ אֶת-יְה-ה בְּשִׂמְחָה (Tehillim 100:2). But the gemara paskens (Pesachim 109a) that since the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash "אין שמחה אלא ביין" ("Joy only comes ...
8
votes
2answers
123 views

“Can't argue with that?” Says who? [closed]

There is a famous Jewish adage "על טעם ועל ריח אין להתווכח". However, amazingly, one can find a plethora of disagreements in the Talmud and Halachic works whether reicha lav milsa hi or if ta'am is ...
8
votes
2answers
295 views

Why do we drink wine on Shabbat? [closed]

Why do we drink wine on Shabbat when it's stated in the Kiddush (כִּי הוּא יוֹם תְּחִלָּה) that this is a day of tequila? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
8
votes
3answers
113 views

“until Elijah comes”? [closed]

So I found a hand-made yarmulke the other day in my local synagogue. I tried to ascertain whose it was, but no one claimed it, and the rabbi told me יהא מונח עד שיבוא אליהו, I should hang on to it ...
8
votes
1answer
87 views

How should we profit from wine? [closed]

The Gemara in Megillah 7b says מיחייב איניש לבסומי בפוריא עד דלא ידע בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי A person is obligated to besumi on Purim until he doesn't know the difference between the ...