THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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7
votes
3answers
585 views

Why does a Hamentash have three sides? [closed]

All Hamentashen that I've seen have three sides and all Hamentashen have filling. Why is that? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
21
votes
8answers
7k views

What does Judaism think of math? [closed]

Is it permissible according to halacha to do math? If so, are all kinds of math OK? This question and its answers are Purim Torah and are not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the ...
17
votes
4answers
1k views

What's up with this strange new hechsher? [closed]

All of a sudden, I’ve seen the hechsher shown in these photos popping up on various products. I’ve never seen it before, and I don’t see it listed on any of the usual online hechsher lists. Have ...
32
votes
11answers
1k views

Haman was Basar b’Chalav, so how could we eat him? [closed]

Esther 3:5 says, “וימלא המן חמה” Haman was filled with butter. This would presumably make his flesh basar b’chalav, but Shemos 16:35 clearly says “ובני ישראל אכלו את־המן” the Children of Israel ate ...
15
votes
4answers
550 views

heresy on Purim [closed]

On Purim we're supposed to engage in מִשְׁלוֹחַ מִנּוּת, the sending of heresy to our fellow Jews. What are some pieces of heretical literature that are appropriate for sending on Purim? Or ones you'd ...
10
votes
3answers
358 views

No Offense Loophole [closed]

(Inspired by this question) Who came up with the No Offense loophole of: No offense, but your sweater makes you look fat. OR No offense, but if you really think what you just said is true, ...
8
votes
7answers
543 views

Eating Hamentashen on Purim [closed]

I've been wondering: how much hamentashen must one consume on purim? Is this independent of type or amount of filling? If not, what kinds of hamentashen qualify? This question is Purim Torah and is ...
4
votes
6answers
470 views

Can I Have a Chumra Please? [closed]

I'm looking to take on a really, really, really enourmous chumra which will greatly affect my life to show how dedicated I am to Hashem. Does anyone have any suggestions? This question is Purim ...
42
votes
5answers
4k views

Rejecting others' friend requests on Facebook [closed]

Inspired by this question: If one receives a friend request on Facebook, especially from another Jew, is it permissible to reject them? On the one hand, "חברים כל ישראל" - "All Jews are friends"; ...
16
votes
6answers
3k views

If Rabbi Google quotes Mi Yodeya, can i rely on his advice? [closed]

The Israeli Rabbinate is considering granting smicha (rabbinic ordination) to Google. Now, assuming he gets accepted, what if Rabbi Google's answer is to look at Mi Yodeya? Mi Yodeya's policy states ...
18
votes
2answers
377 views

Why did I become queen? [closed]

I'm Ester from the Purim story. My uncle Mordechai advised me to ask here on Mi Yodeya why Hashem made me queen of Persia, as it says: וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת So, ...
18
votes
10answers
8k views

What is the Torah preferred brand of cell phone? [closed]

I have heard of Kosher phones. What do the classic sources (preferably Rishonim or earlier) say about the preferred type and brand of cell phone? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended ...
11
votes
2answers
247 views

What's so important about a lost blanket-rope? And how did it get lost anyway? [closed]

This question asks about how we can possibly know that our mesorah (tradition) is correct since we lost the chain of smicha. But what is so important about a chain of blankets? Such things are useful ...
8
votes
5answers
260 views

What's an “achashvei”? [closed]

From my preschooler: What's an Achashvei? I know that a rosh is a head. I want to know what kind of head Achashveirosh was. Can you help me come up with a satisfying answer? I'd prefer not ...
5
votes
3answers
298 views

Is Cholent DeOraitha or DeRabbanan? [closed]

As definitively proven by an 'Am HaAretz Gamur MiDeOraitha (a title of high distinction if ever there was one), eating Cholent on Shabbath is required. Every week. Without exception. But is this ...
16
votes
6answers
4k views

PTIJ: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? [closed]

The classic philosophical question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? So, according to Purim Torah Judaism, does it? Sources please. ;) This ...
9
votes
2answers
202 views

Why did David only seem to prohibit a Moshav Leitzim? [closed]

This question mentions the prohibition against living in a Moshav Leitzim. My question is, what about a Yishuv Leitzim or a Kibbutz Leitzim or a Kfar Leitzim? How could David have been so ambiguous? ...
8
votes
4answers
304 views

Is Daylight Saving Time a Mitzvah DeOraitha or Takkanah DeRabanan? [closed]

This week many in the U.S. will change their clocks for Daylight Saving Time. Is this a Mitzvah DeOraitha or Takkanah DeRabanan? I can't seem to find any source for this except a poorly worded and ...
4
votes
3answers
170 views

Why did Lavan say “Ashre”? [closed]

In parashas "Vayetze", 31:25, we have the following in Onkelos: וְאַדְבֵּיק לָבָן יָת יַעֲקֹב וְיַעֲקֹב פְּרַס יָת מַשְׁכְּנֵהּ בְּטוּרָא וְלָבָן אַשְׁרֵי יָת אֲחוֹהִי בְּטוּרָא דְּגִלְעָד.‏ ...
3
votes
1answer
197 views

Im l'eit kazot higa'at lamalchut - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows if you come to royalty for a time like this? ?אם לעת כזאת, הגעת למלכות - מי יודע In the spirit of the song "Shoshanat Ya'akov", please post interesting Jewish facts about the significance ...
3
votes
4answers
190 views

Mah tov la-adam bachayim - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows what is good for a person in life? ?מה טוב לאדם בחיים - מי יודע Contrary to the spirit of Kohelet 6:12, please post happy and lighthearted Jewish prescriptions for what is good for a ...
24
votes
5answers
2k views

Surviving the zombie apocalypse? [closed]

One of Maimonidies 13 principles of faith is believing in the resurrection of the dead wherein the dead will arise from their graves. My question is have chazal provided any guidelines for how we are ...
12
votes
5answers
1k views

Neder to not eat pizza [closed]

If I make a vow to not eat pizza, what can I not eat? On the one hand, it would seem that bread with sauce and cheese on it is called pizza, as that is what they give you in a pizza shop when you ...
11
votes
3answers
350 views

Why does wine need to be kosher lepesah? [closed]

All grape products, including and especially wine, are toxic to canines. Even a small amount is not fit to be eaten by a dog. The halakha is that things which are not fit to be consumed by a dog do ...
8
votes
5answers
510 views

If I am obligated to be drunk all the time, how is Purim different? [closed]

We all know the halacha of עִבְדוּ אֶת-יְה-ה בְּשִׂמְחָה (Tehillim 100:2). But the gemara paskens (Pesachim 109a) that since the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash "אין שמחה אלא ביין" ("Joy only comes ...
5
votes
1answer
62 views

Meat and dairy shamir worms? [closed]

If I used a shamir to cut through over-baked colov yisroel NY pizza and also to penetrate my mother-in-law's dry meatloaf, would I need one shamir worm for meat and the other for dairy, or can I use ...
3
votes
2answers
272 views

What was the biggest miracle in the time of the Megilla? [closed]

There were many miracles in the time of the Megilla. What was the biggest one? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
19
votes
2answers
682 views

What are the consequences of Vashti’s dual nature? [closed]

In Esther 1:9 we read, “ושתי המלכה עשתה משתי נשים” Vashti the queen was made of two women. Aside from being biologically surprising, what are the consequences of this in our understanding of the ...
19
votes
2answers
1k views

Which spouse should get up, according to G-d's advice/plan? [closed]

In Proverbs 19:21 we have עֲצַת ה' הִיא תָקוּם I understand this to be on the topic of division of labor between a man and his wife, in particular which one should wake up early in the morning ...
13
votes
3answers
1k views

What is the bracha when one eats the Torah? [closed]

I keep seeing all these questions which discuss "Purim Torah, Ingest" but they don't seem to address the rules of actually ingesting the Torah. I don't know how to treat the Torah when I eat it. If ...
13
votes
4answers
337 views

Announcing the clock change in English? [closed]

It is well-known that the age-old, widespread, and correct practice is to announce the molad on the Shabbat preceding Rosh Chodesh specifically in the holy language of Yiddish. In contrast to this, in ...
13
votes
4answers
591 views

Am I yotzei bikur cholim by visiting someone's Facebook page? [closed]

Since people increasingly live their lives online can I be yotzei the mitzvah of bikur cholim by visting the choleh's Facebook page? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
11
votes
3answers
2k views

Are all Jews really Arabs? [closed]

The Gemara (Shevuos 39a) says כל ישראל ערבים All of Israel are Arabs. Is this true? I always thought that my family came from Eastern Europe. If it is true that all Jews are actually ...
10
votes
6answers
191 views

What did “נ ג ה פ” stand for before the miracle? [closed]

As is well known, the reason we play dreidel on Hanukkah is this: Before the miracle of Hanukkah, when the gentiles who controlled the land severely restricted Torah study, Jewish children would ...
9
votes
1answer
213 views

Why didn't Mordechai keep Mitzvos? [closed]

It says in the Megilla "ויאמרו עבדי המלך אשר בשער המלך למרדכי מדוע אתה עובר את מצות המלך" - "The servants of the King (who were in the King's gates) asked Mordechai 'Why do you go against the command ...
9
votes
2answers
275 views

Zachor from a non-kosher Sefer torah [closed]

We know that one is not yotzeh if he hears Zachor read from a non-kosher Sefer Torah. What is the process of kashering the Sefer Torah so it will be usable? Must one do hag'alah? Does hag'alah work, ...
9
votes
4answers
189 views

Why didn't Esther listen to Mordechai's instructions? [closed]

Mordechai instructed Esther the Queen, וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת Translation: Ask on Mi Yodeya if this is the reason you came to be a Queen. (It seems that ...
8
votes
2answers
163 views

“Can't argue with that?” Says who? [closed]

There is a famous Jewish adage "על טעם ועל ריח אין להתווכח". However, amazingly, one can find a plethora of disagreements in the Talmud and Halachic works whether reicha lav milsa hi or if ta'am is k'...
8
votes
2answers
170 views

What kind of horns did Moshe have? [closed]

Sh'mot 34:29 tells us that when Moshe came down from Har Sinai with the second set of tablets he did not know that קָרַן עוֹר פָּנָיו בְּדַבְּרוֹ אִתּוֹ -- horns of light were on his face from his ...
7
votes
3answers
224 views

The media in Shushan [closed]

Esther 10:2 says: הֲלוֹא-הֵם כְּתוּבִים, עַל-סֵפֶר דִּבְרֵי הַיָּמִים, לְמַלְכֵי מָדַי Behold, they are written in the book of chronicles of the kings of the media. Who were the kings (=...
7
votes
7answers
599 views

Is wearing masks on Purim a Biblical Commandment or a Rabbinic Commandment? [closed]

As we all know, wearing masks on Purim is a Mitzva. Is it from the Torah, or was it only originated in the times of Esther, making it Rabbinic? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to ...
6
votes
4answers
91 views

Matzah and Maror: With Garlic? [closed]

During the Seder, near the end of the maggid, we learn about the manner in which the Korban Pesach, the matzah, and the maror were consumed. In reference to the latter two, the haggadah reads: ?...
6
votes
1answer
132 views

Graciously accepting gifts [closed]

I delivered Shalach Manos today to a number of people. Much to my dismay, everyone accepted them graciously and gratefully, and not a single person expressed how disappointed they were with my gifts. ...
4
votes
4answers
247 views

ואם תאמר— but what if we didn't say anything? [closed]

When Tosafos or other Rishonim introduce a question with the phrase "and if it were said" (my translation) do they mean to imply that the question is b'dieved and everything would make more sense if ...
3
votes
4answers
104 views

Gzeira Shava By Purim [closed]

We know that the Gemara darshens the laws of Purim from Yom Kippur. If so why are we not obligated to fast on Purim? יליף פורים פורים מיום הכפורים This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
3
votes
1answer
152 views

How could Pharaoh bring sacrifices? [closed]

The Torah teaches us that Pharaoh brought korbanos (Shemos 14:10) ופרעה הקריב Pharaoh offered sacrifices It is not clear what sacrifices Pharaoh brought, however the Torah tells us a ...
2
votes
5answers
1k views

Why do we drink malt whisky? [closed]

It's a Jewish tradition to serve malt whisky at simchas and to drink this also on Purim (in addition to wine at the seuda). From where does this custom derive? This question is Purim Torah and is ...
2
votes
2answers
165 views

Whence “Purim”? [closed]

M'gilas Ester is very clear about the name of the holiday (9:26): עַל כֵּן קָרְאוּ לַיָּמִים הָאֵלֶּה פוּרִים So they called these days F urim Where does the current name of Purim come from? ...
1
vote
2answers
139 views

Daylight Saving Time - forward or backward? [closed]

Halachically speaking, do I have to set my clocks forward one hour in the spring, or can I set them back one hour (this will give me two hours more in my day than everyone setting their clocks forward ...
1
vote
2answers
302 views

Why do people drink expensive alcohol on purim? [closed]

The main point of drinking on purim is to be drunk. So why did the Rabbis establish the requirement to drink wine? Vodka gets one there faster and cheaper, so it should be preferable to drink it, as ...