THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. Purim Torah is a term used to describe humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim.

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2
votes
1answer
44 views

Angels in Bohemia?

In the morning birchos krias shema‘, in discussing the angels’ song of praise, the text makes an odd digression: וכולם פותחים את פיהם and they all open Pihm (= Bohemia) (See What are the major ...
7
votes
2answers
438 views

Why did the ignorant rabbis have to convert to Judaism?

Esther 9:17 says: ורבים מעמי הארץ מתיהדים "The ignorant rabbis became Jewish" I thought rabbis are already Jewish, even if they are ignorant! Why did they have to convert? This question is Purim ...
0
votes
0answers
37 views

Why is the Talmud so disparaging towards the “Am Ha'aretz”?

I was shocked when I read in Talmud Pesachim 49a that one should not allow his daughter to marry an "Am Ha'aretz" an ignoramus. Yet, our forefather Avraham was tremendously gracious and respectful to ...
13
votes
4answers
440 views

heresy on Purim

On Purim we're supposed to engage in מִשְׁלוֹחַ מִנּוּת, the sending of heresy to our fellow Jews. What are some pieces of heretical literature that are appropriate for sending on Purim? Or ones you'd ...
1
vote
1answer
31 views

What is the source for this sukkah halacha?

What is the source that one must ride an elephant to shabbat evening meals served in a sukkah when the sukkah is to the northwest of your house? ...let's assume that Double AA is on-topic. This ...
4
votes
2answers
70 views

Why do we drink wine on Purim?

Why do people have a custom of drinking davka wine on Purim? After all, the story took place in שושן הבירה - Shushan of Beer (Ester 1:2)! Why do people drink wine instead of beer then? This ...
-4
votes
1answer
54 views

Is it a assur to arrive at schul early?

I have always noticed that the rabbanim in the schuls I attend typically arrive after the beginning of tefillah. On the other hand, many ba'alei battim are makpid to arrive on time or a few minutes ...
-1
votes
1answer
41 views

What's so strange about Ger Chassidim?

"Ger" means "stranger". I met many Ger Chassidim. I don't find them strange at all. OK, they wear spodeks instead of shtreimlach. So what? That doesn't make them "strange". I sometimes wear a ...
-3
votes
0answers
27 views

Has anyone invented pants so that tzizit don't get caught in the zipper? [on hold]

I am tired of arbah kanfos-tration! I read somewhere that someone has invented tzitzit that don't get stuck in the pants zipper. I asked someone about it and he warned me that the material can be ...
3
votes
0answers
31 views

Are there reliable Rav Hamchshir for certified pre-owned Hondas?

In my neighborhood, many of my frum neighbors drive Honda Odysseys. They are a popular minivan esp. for families with lots of kids. I asked someone about her car and what it costs. She said that she ...
-1
votes
0answers
24 views

Why do we fast on “Chinese” Esther?

The other day, someone in shul asked me if I'm fasting for "Chinese" Esther? I've heard of Ta'anis Esther. But what is "Chinese" Esther??? I tried to look this up in the mefarshim, but I don't see ...
0
votes
1answer
61 views

Origin of משלוח מנות

In which part of the Persian Kingdom did the concept of משלוח מנות originate? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
6
votes
4answers
91 views

Who is the fourth father?

We all know, from when we were little children, that the Jewish people had four mothers and four fathers. The mothers will, of course, be Sarah, Rebeccah, Rachel, and Leah. However, in the fathers ...
1
vote
2answers
49 views

Is the name Avner ben Ner “backwards”?

Avner means "the father of Ner", but Avner's actual father was named just "Ner"! Shouldn't Avner's father have been called "Avner", and the son have been called "Ner"? This question is Purim Torah ...
7
votes
3answers
64 views

What is the hetter to wear earmuffs?

Looking at all forms of traditionally Jewish hats, from hamburgs to streimuls to fedoras to beibers, and even the kangol cap, it is quite obvious our fathers and our fathers fathers did not want to ...
0
votes
1answer
43 views

Is the name “Dov Bear” redundant? [on hold]

I know several people whose first and second name are "Dov Bear". ""Dov" means "bear" and well, "bear" is a bear! So the person's name is "Bear Bear". Huh??? What's the deal with that? That's like ...
5
votes
1answer
51 views

Is there a problem of Kol Isha when Rina is singing in the tents of the righteous?

Psalms 118:15: ק֤וֹל ׀ רִנָּ֬ה וִֽישׁוּעָ֗ה בְּאָהֳלֵ֥י צַדִּיקִ֑ים The voices of Rina and Yeshu'ah are in the tents of the righteous I can't see a problem with Yeshu'ah ( I know some boys named ...
1
vote
3answers
51 views

What profit can you get from having a dummy?

Tehillim 30:10 מַה-בֶּצַע בְּדָמִי What profit is there in a dummy? I don't know ... perhaps this is a dum question? Is there any profit in having a dummy? Dum-de-dum-dum... This question is ...
1
vote
1answer
47 views

If not now, when?

Gee, am I surprised that AFAIK, no one on M.Y. has ever asked for the answer to this question. In Pirkei Avot 1:14, Hillel says, "If not now, when?" O.K. I'm going to do a test .. I'm giving Hillel ...
-1
votes
1answer
85 views

How do you make a “safer” Torah? [on hold]

This seems to be an ongoing concern, esp. these days. We have had several people get injured from the Torah in various ways. Some incidents: While carrying the Torah, one person injured his leg ...
20
votes
8answers
6k views

What does Judaism think of math?

Is it permissible according to halacha to do math? If so, are all kinds of math OK? This question and its answers are Purim Torah and are not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the ...
12
votes
3answers
301 views

How big did Mordechai get, and was it only in the king's palace?

According to the Megillah (9:4), Mordechai grew to a very large size whenever he was in the king's palace (כִּי־גָדוֹל מָרְדֳּכַי בְּבֵית הַמֶּלֶךְ ... כִּי־הָאִישׁ מָרְדֳּכַי, הוֹלֵךְ וְגָדוֹל). How ...
8
votes
3answers
194 views

What is the text of kiddush for Purim night?

My Otzar Hatiflus siddur only has the Kiddush for Purim day. What is the text of Kiddush for Purim night, and how does one incorporate havdala when Purim begins on Motzai Shabbat? This question is ...
0
votes
0answers
25 views

Was Mordechai tall or fat from walking too much? [duplicate]

Esther 9:4 says האיש מרדכי הולד וגדול The man Mordechai was walking and "big" Which way was he "big" - height or width? And, why would walking too much make him this way? This question is Purim ...
2
votes
2answers
58 views

Love Shalom and Kill Shalom?

The mishna says in pirkei avos: הוי מתלמידיו של אהרן, אוהב שלום ורודף שלום How is this possible in practice? The minute someone sees you being rodef shalom they'll either injury you or kill you! ...
4
votes
1answer
51 views

Why couldn't the idols smell their hands or touch their feet?

In Hallel, Tehillim 115:7-8 it says: אף להם ולא יריחון ידיהם ולא ימישון רגליהם David is discussing the nations that built idols. These people believed that these idols were like human / gods. So, I ...
8
votes
2answers
92 views

“Can't argue with that?” Says who?

There is a famous Jewish adage "על טעם ועל ריח אין להתווכח". However, amazingly, one can find a plethora of disagreements in the Talmud and Halachic works whether reicha lav milsa hi or if ta'am is ...
-4
votes
2answers
90 views

How long is G-d's nose? [on hold]

One of the 13 attributes of G-d is that he is ארך אפים - one with a long nose. How long is HIS nose? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
7
votes
2answers
126 views

Perl Programming in the Torah

According to Rav xkcd (an oft quoted authority in Bam), the universe was written in perl. Since the Torah is the blueprint of creation, it follows that it must contain a Perl Programming manual. Where ...
-5
votes
1answer
31 views

Is there a listing that publishes the important deaf person for each day?

Even though he may be deaf, my son still "hears" about something called the "Deaf Yomi" - the daily deaf. He assumes that this is some article or feature that highlights a deaf person or something to ...
-1
votes
0answers
29 views

Why does G-d hide his honor from His own attendants?

In the Shabbat / Yom Tov Musaf, there's a phrase that translates as: "משרתיו שואלים זח לזח איה מקום כבודו" "His attendants ask each other, 'Where is the place of His honor?'" We say this each ...
5
votes
1answer
72 views

Human sacrifice

In "Retzei", human sacrifice is clearly mentioned: רְצֵה ה' אֱלהֵינוּ בְּעַמְּךָ יִשרָאֵל וּבִתְפִלָּתָם וְהָשֵׁב אֶת הָעֲבודָה לִדְבִיר בֵּיתֶךָ. וְאִשֵּׁי יִשרָאֵל וּתְפִלָּתָם. בְּאַהֲבָה ...
6
votes
6answers
124 views

7 girls fighting over 1 boy at the Sheva Brachot?

The last of the Sheva Brachot lists 7 girls: Gila, Rina, Ditza, Chedva, Ahava, Achva, and Re'ut. Shalom is the only boy that was invited. Why couldn't they invite other boys. Don't any of these other ...
5
votes
2answers
85 views

Why do the Chassidim require explicit mention?

In the amidah, the prayer for our welfare includes specific mention of Chassidim, but not of Litvaks, Sefardim, etc.: עַל הַצַּדִּיקִים וְעַל הַחֲסִידִים. וְעַל זִקְנֵי עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשרָאֵל. ...
11
votes
6answers
2k views

Who is this Lamar?

I recently wished the Bam community a happy Rosh Chodesh, and Isaac responded (or at least attempted to respond - he seemed to have begun his Purim festivities early) with: וכן למר Also ...
3
votes
2answers
265 views

What does family have to do with the bad dog?

I often here people mention Canine Hara, the bad dog. However, it seems especially common to refer to it when discussing family. For example: I have ten children, Canine Hara. or My ...
1
vote
2answers
76 views

Does the oven have a nose and more than one eye?

In the Mishnah, Seder Teharot, Mesechet Calim, in 8:3, talking about an oven, it states: ואין לה גפים, It doesn't have גפים, which K'hati explains to mean היינו אזניים These are ears. And ...
5
votes
3answers
84 views

Do we know if this is really Queen Esther's Village?

While I was driving today (at this location), I was surprised to happen upon: Is there any evidence in the megillah or any other part of our mesorah that this is indeed the village that Queen ...
-2
votes
1answer
31 views

Is the Kiddush required to be in a separate house / building?

I noticed that the smell of warming kugel and chulent on Shabbat disturbs people's kavanah during davening. I can tell from these actions: People stare at the announcements handout to see who ...
1
vote
1answer
37 views

Why do we bless only the 10th Rabbi in the community after reading the Megillah?

The bracha after finishing the Megillah starts: Harav Esri Veinu - The tenth rabbi among us Why bless just the 10th rabbi. Aren't the other 9 as worthy? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
-1
votes
1answer
60 views

Is there any halacha that would prohibit diving into a mikvah? [closed]

In honor of the summer Olympics that will occur in 2016, my frum community is considering having its own Jewish Olympics that will feature a few unique Jewish competitions. One of them will be the ...
12
votes
2answers
138 views

Has anyone invented a cure for Yahrtzeit?

A few days ago, while in shul, I asked my friend if he wanted to meet me for bowling at 5 P.M. He said, "I can't because I have yahrtzeit." It sounded like a serious sickness, like "I have a cold", ...
17
votes
10answers
8k views

What is the Torah preferred brand of cell phone?

I have heard of Kosher phones. What do the classic sources (preferably Rishonim or earlier) say about the preferred type and brand of cell phone? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended ...
3
votes
1answer
42 views

Why can't a Tanna write a get?

The gemara (Gittin 84b) writes כל התנאין פוסלין בגט All Tannaim invalidate a get (my very own translation) Why is it that a rabbi of the mishna will invalidate a get (divorce document) by ...
8
votes
2answers
263 views

Why do we drink wine on Shabbat?

Why do we drink wine on Shabbat when it's stated in the Kiddush (כִּי הוּא יוֹם תְּחִלָּה) that this is a day of tequila? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
-1
votes
1answer
87 views

Man using a woman's siddur

If a guy were to daven using the Artscroll women's siddur, would that be considered a violation of the prohibition of beged isha? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
-2
votes
0answers
58 views

Was the slogan on Kesser Wine violating “Lifnei Iver” - placing a stumbling block before the blind? [closed]

Until 1981, Kesser Wines was made in Crown Heights. I found a bottle while I was cleaning out my in-laws closet. The slogan on Kesser wine says, "Made on the west end of Long Island". The term "Long ...
7
votes
2answers
2k views

I poured Starbucks Milk Chocolate Latte into my chicken soup. Shouldn't it still be kosher, even if it wasn't so much soup?

This week I was cooking my favorite meat soup when accidentally my Starbucks Milk Chocolate Latte tipped into the pot. At first it was just a little drip, but I lost the handle on the cup and ...
-2
votes
1answer
32 views

Can Succah schach be used to make sushi that I will eat on Shabbat?

I noticed that the bamboo mat used to roll sushi is the same shape and material as the huge mats used for the succah. I know that there is a general rule that items used for kedushah - holy purposes ...
2
votes
4answers
75 views

What do you do first - light the Chanukia or read the Migillah?

Let's say you do Tosefet Yom Tov on Chanukah. Some people just add a couple hours, but some people are really-extra-super-Machmir and light till Purim. What do you do first - light your Chanukah ...