THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. Purim Torah is a term used to describe humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim.

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10
votes
3answers
182 views

May Sauron’s Ring be used for kiddushin? [closed]

May the One Ring be used to be mekadesh a woman? At least from one perspective, the Ring seems ideal, given the verse: אַשׁ נַזְגּ דֻּרְבַּתֻּלֻקּ, אַשׁ נַזְגּ גִּמְבַּתֻּלּ , אַשׁ נַזְגּ ...
8
votes
3answers
276 views

Perl Programming in the Torah [closed]

According to Rav xkcd (an oft quoted authority in Bam), the universe was written in perl. Since the Torah is the blueprint of creation, it follows that it must contain a Perl Programming manual. Where ...
2
votes
1answer
84 views

From what time do we show up for Shabbat lunch? [closed]

We all know the mishna in Se'udot: It once happened that Rabban Zmanliochel's sons were on their way to a Shabbat lunch. They said to him "We have not received instructions on when to come." He ...
0
votes
1answer
44 views

Z'man Levishat haCostume [closed]

On Purim, many of us wear/wore costumes, at least for the night of the 14th/15th. In the spirit of this, I would like to know the zman for donning one's costume for Purim. What is it? This ...
5
votes
0answers
41 views

Can I use M.Y. bounty as a means of Matanot L'evyonim? [closed]

Matanot L'evyonim is a Purim mitzvah to give gifts to at least 2 poor people. An "evyon" is described as "poor". But he could be "poor" in anything, not necessarily monetary means. There are a ...
4
votes
1answer
73 views

How to make hamentaschen [closed]

I looked through Shulchan Aruch, but, although there are entire chapters (OC 453–462) describing how to make matza, there's a not a single mention of how to make hamentaschen. What is the ...
4
votes
1answer
82 views

Is fasting like getting drunk? [closed]

Is fasting on Taanis Esther considered as if one drank Ad Dlo Yada on both Purim and Taanis Esther? Just like we find eating on Erev Yom Kippur is considered as if one fasted on both that day and Yom ...
2
votes
2answers
61 views

Can you give mishloach manos to yourself? [closed]

My friend teaches at a Sunday school, and made mishloach manos with her class last week. One very bright student asked her, "What if there's no one for me to give mishloach manos to? I can't give it ...
3
votes
1answer
54 views

Do I fulfill the mitzvah of mishloach manot by giving two dog biscuits to my dog? [closed]

Esther 9:19 says: ומשלוח מנות איש לרעהו A person should give mishlo'ach manot each person to his friend. They say that a dog is "man's best friend". Well, my dog, Charvonah, is really my best ...
3
votes
1answer
69 views

Are all אוזני המן halachically equal? [closed]

Is it permissible for a shul to serve אוזני המן (Hamantaschen) without including poppy seed or chocolate ones? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See ...
8
votes
2answers
184 views

whats the diffrence [closed]

Whits teh difference btween arur hAman and Baruch mosses? -- This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy
7
votes
7answers
539 views

Is wearing masks on Purim a Biblical Commandment or a Rabbinic Commandment? [closed]

As we all know, wearing masks on Purim is a Mitzva. Is it from the Torah, or was it only originated in the times of Esther, making it Rabbinic? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to ...
9
votes
4answers
132 views

Being Machmir in “Matanot Laevyonim” [closed]

Purim is always a rough time for me, as I am always worried about being mekayem Matanot Laevyonim properly. The problem is of course that if you share an עני with someone else, then if the other guy ...
0
votes
4answers
94 views

What is the traditional Jewish name for this dish? [closed]

My wife's minhag (that she made up bli nedder) is to make chicken stuffed wontons for the family Purim Seuda. This year she decided to dig deeper into the minhag she made up last Thursday and made ...
0
votes
2answers
91 views

If my teeth are extracted, are they conisder shaimos? [closed]

Shemot 13:9 says: למען תהיה תורח ה בפיך So that G-d's Torah should be in your mouth. So, my teeth are in my mouth together with the Torah, and they absorbed some of the Torah, too. So, I guess ...
8
votes
1answer
90 views

How should we profit from wine? [closed]

The Gemara in Megillah 7b says מיחייב איניש לבסומי בפוריא עד דלא ידע בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי A person is obligated to besumi on Purim until he doesn't know the difference between the ...
2
votes
3answers
90 views

Are there reliable Rav Hamchshir for certified pre-owned Hondas? [closed]

In my neighborhood, many of my frum neighbors drive Honda Odysseys. They are a popular minivan esp. for families with lots of kids. I asked someone about her car and what it costs. She said that she ...
3
votes
1answer
85 views

Why was Moshe told to put two cabbages on top of the Aron? [closed]

Shmot 25:19: ועשה כרוב אחד מקצה מזה וכרוב אחד מקצה מזה And make one cabbage on this side and one cabbage on this side What purpose do the 2 cabbages have doing on top of the ark? Wouldn't ...
2
votes
2answers
78 views

Why do we read VaYechal on Taanis Esther? [closed]

Taanis Esther is the day when Esthers fast (or else it would be Taanis Mordechai). Why do we read Vayechal on this day? All days are celebrated in the same way they were first celebrated. Pesach - ...
6
votes
2answers
105 views

Does Kabalah require us to follow the Atkins Diet? [closed]

During sholas sedudos we say אתקינו סעודתא, a remez to the Atkins Diet. It includes descriptions like "זעיר אנפין" -- make your face smaller (thinner), and even instructions about "וַחֲקַל ...
10
votes
6answers
153 views

What did “נ ג ה פ” stand for before the miracle? [closed]

As is well known, the reason we play dreidel on Hanukkah is this: Before the miracle of Hanukkah, when the gentiles who controlled the land severely restricted Torah study, Jewish children would ...
5
votes
1answer
57 views

“Peyshar Davar” - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows what the meaning of "a thing" is? פשר דבר - מי יודע?‏ Kohelet 8:1 expresses uncertainty about the meaning of "a thing": ... וּמִ֥י יוֹדֵ֖עַ פֵּ֣שֶׁר דָּבָ֑ר ... ... and who ...
9
votes
2answers
177 views

Why did David only seem to prohibit a Moshav Leitzim? [closed]

This question mentions the prohibition against living in a Moshav Leitzim. My question is, what about a Yishuv Leitzim or a Kibbutz Leitzim or a Kfar Leitzim? How could David have been so ambiguous? ...
12
votes
3answers
1k views

Why did the ignorant rabbis have to convert to Judaism? [closed]

Esther 9:17 says: ורבים מעמי הארץ מתיהדים "The ignorant rabbis became Jewish" I thought rabbis are already Jewish, even if they are ignorant! Why did they have to convert? This question is Purim ...
16
votes
2answers
311 views

Why did I become queen? [closed]

I'm Ester from the Purim story. My uncle Mordechai advised me to ask here on Mi Yodeya why Hashem made me queen of Persia, as it says: וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת So, ...
13
votes
3answers
888 views

Is the “Special K” a reliable hechsher? [closed]

Recently, I saw this logo on a package of cereal: I couldn't locate any information on the web about this kosher symbol. Is this hechsher reliable? Who is the head mashgiach? This question is ...
3
votes
1answer
85 views

Was Mordechai upset that Ahashverush purposely hid from the rabbis the fact that drinking was like a religion? [closed]

Esther 1:8 והשתיה כדת אין אנס כי כן יסד המלך על כל רב ביתו "The drinking was like a religion. It was no accident that the king kept it a secret from the rabbis of his household." My understanding ...
2
votes
1answer
73 views

Angels in Bohemia? [closed]

In the morning birchos krias shema‘, in discussing the angels’ song of praise, the text makes an odd digression: וכולם פותחים את פיהם and they all open Pihm (= Bohemia) (See What are the major ...
13
votes
4answers
478 views

heresy on Purim [closed]

On Purim we're supposed to engage in מִשְׁלוֹחַ מִנּוּת, the sending of heresy to our fellow Jews. What are some pieces of heretical literature that are appropriate for sending on Purim? Or ones you'd ...
2
votes
1answer
73 views

What is the source for this sukkah halacha? [closed]

What is the source that one must ride an elephant to shabbat evening meals served in a sukkah when the sukkah is to the northwest of your house? ...let's assume that Double AA is on-topic. This ...
4
votes
2answers
130 views

Why do we drink wine on Purim? [closed]

Why do people have a custom of drinking davka wine on Purim? After all, the story took place in שושן הבירה - Shushan of Beer (Ester 1:2)! Why do people drink wine instead of beer then? This ...
-1
votes
1answer
74 views

What's so strange about Ger Chassidim? [closed]

"Ger" means "stranger". I met many Ger Chassidim. I don't find them strange at all. OK, they wear spodeks instead of shtreimlach. So what? That doesn't make them "strange". I sometimes wear a ...
0
votes
1answer
89 views

Origin of משלוח מנות [closed]

In which part of the Persian Kingdom did the concept of משלוח מנות originate? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
6
votes
4answers
124 views

Who is the fourth father? [closed]

We all know, from when we were little children, that the Jewish people had four mothers and four fathers. The mothers will, of course, be Sarah, Rebeccah, Rachel, and Leah. However, in the fathers ...
1
vote
2answers
70 views

Is the name Avner ben Ner “backwards”? [closed]

Avner means "the father of Ner", but Avner's actual father was named just "Ner"! Shouldn't Avner's father have been called "Avner", and the son have been called "Ner"? This question is Purim Torah ...
7
votes
3answers
85 views

What is the hetter to wear earmuffs? [closed]

Looking at all forms of traditionally Jewish hats, from hamburgs to streimuls to fedoras to beibers, and even the kangol cap, it is quite obvious our fathers and our fathers fathers did not want to ...
0
votes
1answer
74 views

Is the name “Dov Bear” redundant? [closed]

I know several people whose first and second name are "Dov Bear". ""Dov" means "bear" and well, "bear" is a bear! So the person's name is "Bear Bear". Huh??? What's the deal with that? That's like ...
5
votes
1answer
76 views

Is there a problem of Kol Isha when Rina is singing in the tents of the righteous? [closed]

Psalms 118:15: ק֤וֹל ׀ רִנָּ֬ה וִֽישׁוּעָ֗ה בְּאָהֳלֵ֥י צַדִּיקִ֑ים The voices of Rina and Yeshu'ah are in the tents of the righteous I can't see a problem with Yeshu'ah ( I know some boys named ...
0
votes
3answers
73 views

What profit can you get from having a dummy? [closed]

Tehillim 30:10 מַה-בֶּצַע בְּדָמִי What profit is there in a dummy? I don't know ... perhaps this is a dum question? Is there any profit in having a dummy? Dum-de-dum-dum... This question is ...
1
vote
1answer
60 views

If not now, when? [closed]

Gee, am I surprised that AFAIK, no one on M.Y. has ever asked for the answer to this question. In Pirkei Avot 1:14, Hillel says, "If not now, when?" O.K. I'm going to do a test .. I'm giving Hillel ...
20
votes
8answers
6k views

What does Judaism think of math? [closed]

Is it permissible according to halacha to do math? If so, are all kinds of math OK? This question and its answers are Purim Torah and are not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the ...
12
votes
3answers
325 views

How big did Mordechai get, and was it only in the king's palace? [closed]

According to the Megillah (9:4), Mordechai grew to a very large size whenever he was in the king's palace (כִּי־גָדוֹל מָרְדֳּכַי בְּבֵית הַמֶּלֶךְ ... כִּי־הָאִישׁ מָרְדֳּכַי, הוֹלֵךְ וְגָדוֹל). How ...
8
votes
3answers
315 views

What is the text of kiddush for Purim night? [closed]

My Otzar Hatiflus siddur only has the Kiddush for Purim day. What is the text of Kiddush for Purim night, and how does one incorporate havdala when Purim begins on Motzai Shabbat? This question is ...
0
votes
0answers
26 views

Was Mordechai tall or fat from walking too much? [duplicate]

Esther 9:4 says האיש מרדכי הולד וגדול The man Mordechai was walking and "big" Which way was he "big" - height or width? And, why would walking too much make him this way? This question is Purim ...
2
votes
2answers
73 views

Love Shalom and Kill Shalom? [closed]

The mishna says in pirkei avos: הוי מתלמידיו של אהרן, אוהב שלום ורודף שלום How is this possible in practice? The minute someone sees you being rodef shalom they'll either injury you or kill you! ...
5
votes
1answer
68 views

Why couldn't the idols smell their hands or touch their feet? [closed]

In Hallel, Tehillim 115:7-8 it says: אף להם ולא יריחון ידיהם ולא ימישון רגליהם David is discussing the nations that built idols. These people believed that these idols were like human / gods. So, I ...
8
votes
2answers
125 views

“Can't argue with that?” Says who? [closed]

There is a famous Jewish adage "על טעם ועל ריח אין להתווכח". However, amazingly, one can find a plethora of disagreements in the Talmud and Halachic works whether reicha lav milsa hi or if ta'am is ...
5
votes
1answer
85 views

Human sacrifice [closed]

In "Retzei", human sacrifice is clearly mentioned: רְצֵה ה' אֱלהֵינוּ בְּעַמְּךָ יִשרָאֵל וּבִתְפִלָּתָם וְהָשֵׁב אֶת הָעֲבודָה לִדְבִיר בֵּיתֶךָ. וְאִשֵּׁי יִשרָאֵל וּתְפִלָּתָם. בְּאַהֲבָה ...
6
votes
6answers
181 views

7 girls fighting over 1 boy at the Sheva Brachot? [closed]

The last of the Sheva Brachot lists 7 girls: Gila, Rina, Ditza, Chedva, Ahava, Achva, and Re'ut. Shalom is the only boy that was invited. Why couldn't they invite other boys. Don't any of these other ...
5
votes
2answers
102 views

Why do the Chassidim require explicit mention? [closed]

In the amidah, the prayer for our welfare includes specific mention of Chassidim, but not of Litvaks, Sefardim, etc.: עַל הַצַּדִּיקִים וְעַל הַחֲסִידִים. וְעַל זִקְנֵי עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשרָאֵל. ...