THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. Purim Torah is a term used to describe humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim.

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1
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1answer
11 views

Being Machmir in “Matanot Laevyonim”

Purim is always a rough time for me, as I am always worried about being mekayem Matanot Laevyonim properly. The problem is of course that if you share an עני with someone else, then if the other guy ...
2
votes
2answers
53 views

Are there reliable Rav Hamchshir for certified pre-owned Hondas?

In my neighborhood, many of my frum neighbors drive Honda Odysseys. They are a popular minivan esp. for families with lots of kids. I asked someone about her car and what it costs. She said that she ...
9
votes
6answers
111 views

What did “נ ג ה פ” stand for before the miracle?

As is well known, the reason we play dreidel on Hanukkah is this: Before the miracle of Hanukkah, when the gentiles who controlled the land severely restricted Torah study, Jewish children would ...
4
votes
1answer
41 views

“Peyshar Davar” - mi yodeya?

Who knows what the meaning of "a thing" is? פשר דבר - מי יודע?‏ Kohelet 8:1 expresses uncertainty about the meaning of "a thing": ... וּמִ֥י יוֹדֵ֖עַ פֵּ֣שֶׁר דָּבָ֑ר ... ... and who ...
0
votes
1answer
34 views

Why do we read VaYechal on Taanis Esther?

Taanis Esther is the day when Esthers fast (or else it would be Taanis Mordechai). Why do we read Vayechal on this day? All days are celebrated in the same way they were first celebrated. Pesach - ...
3
votes
0answers
26 views

How should we profit from wine?

The Gemara in Megillah 7b says מיחייב איניש לבסומי בפוריא עד דלא ידע בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי A person is obligated to besumi on Purim until he doesn't know the difference between the ...
-4
votes
2answers
80 views

Is it a assur to arrive at schul early?

I have always noticed that the rabbanim in the schuls I attend typically arrive after the beginning of tefillah. On the other hand, many ba'alei battim are makpid to arrive on time or a few minutes ...
9
votes
2answers
165 views

Why did David only seem to prohibit a Moshav Leitzim?

This question mentions the prohibition against living in a Moshav Leitzim. My question is, what about a Yishuv Leitzim or a Kibbutz Leitzim or a Kfar Leitzim? How could David have been so ambiguous? ...
11
votes
3answers
1k views

Why did the ignorant rabbis have to convert to Judaism?

Esther 9:17 says: ורבים מעמי הארץ מתיהדים "The ignorant rabbis became Jewish" I thought rabbis are already Jewish, even if they are ignorant! Why did they have to convert? This question is Purim ...
16
votes
2answers
282 views

Why did I become queen?

I'm Ester from the Purim story. My uncle Mordechai advised me to ask here on Mi Yodeya why Hashem made me queen of Persia, as it says: וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת So, ...
11
votes
3answers
763 views

Is the “Special K” a reliable hechsher?

Recently, I saw this logo on a package of cereal: I couldn't locate any information on the web about this kosher symbol. Is this hechsher reliable? Who is the head mashgiach? This question is ...
2
votes
1answer
42 views

Was Mordechai upset that Ahashverush purposely hid from the rabbis the fact that drinking was like a religion?

Esther 1:8 והשתיה כדת אין אנס כי כן יסד המלך על כל רב ביתו "The drinking was like a religion. It was no accident that the king kept it a secret from the rabbis of his household." My understanding ...
3
votes
1answer
57 views

Does Kabalah require us to follow the Atkins Diet?

During sholas sedudos we say אתקינו סעודתא, a remez to the Atkins Diet. It includes descriptions like "זעיר אנפין" -- make your face smaller (thinner), and even instructions about "וַחֲקַל ...
2
votes
1answer
62 views

Angels in Bohemia?

In the morning birchos krias shema‘, in discussing the angels’ song of praise, the text makes an odd digression: וכולם פותחים את פיהם and they all open Pihm (= Bohemia) (See What are the major ...
0
votes
0answers
63 views

Why is the Talmud so disparaging towards the “Am Ha'aretz”?

I was shocked when I read in Talmud Pesachim 49a that one should not allow his daughter to marry an "Am Ha'aretz" an ignoramus. Yet, our forefather Avraham was tremendously gracious and respectful to ...
13
votes
4answers
455 views

heresy on Purim

On Purim we're supposed to engage in מִשְׁלוֹחַ מִנּוּת, the sending of heresy to our fellow Jews. What are some pieces of heretical literature that are appropriate for sending on Purim? Or ones you'd ...
1
vote
1answer
39 views

What is the source for this sukkah halacha?

What is the source that one must ride an elephant to shabbat evening meals served in a sukkah when the sukkah is to the northwest of your house? ...let's assume that Double AA is on-topic. This ...
4
votes
2answers
94 views

Why do we drink wine on Purim?

Why do people have a custom of drinking davka wine on Purim? After all, the story took place in שושן הבירה - Shushan of Beer (Ester 1:2)! Why do people drink wine instead of beer then? This ...
-1
votes
1answer
49 views

What's so strange about Ger Chassidim?

"Ger" means "stranger". I met many Ger Chassidim. I don't find them strange at all. OK, they wear spodeks instead of shtreimlach. So what? That doesn't make them "strange". I sometimes wear a ...
-5
votes
0answers
49 views

Has anyone invented pants so that tzizit don't get caught in the zipper? [on hold]

I am tired of arbah kanfos-tration! I read somewhere that someone has invented tzitzit that don't get stuck in the pants zipper. I asked someone about it and he warned me that the material can be ...
-2
votes
0answers
36 views

Why do we fast on “Chinese” Esther?

The other day, someone in shul asked me if I'm fasting for "Chinese" Esther? I've heard of Ta'anis Esther. But what is "Chinese" Esther??? I tried to look this up in the mefarshim, but I don't see ...
0
votes
1answer
71 views

Origin of משלוח מנות

In which part of the Persian Kingdom did the concept of משלוח מנות originate? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
6
votes
4answers
99 views

Who is the fourth father?

We all know, from when we were little children, that the Jewish people had four mothers and four fathers. The mothers will, of course, be Sarah, Rebeccah, Rachel, and Leah. However, in the fathers ...
1
vote
2answers
55 views

Is the name Avner ben Ner “backwards”?

Avner means "the father of Ner", but Avner's actual father was named just "Ner"! Shouldn't Avner's father have been called "Avner", and the son have been called "Ner"? This question is Purim Torah ...
7
votes
3answers
69 views

What is the hetter to wear earmuffs?

Looking at all forms of traditionally Jewish hats, from hamburgs to streimuls to fedoras to beibers, and even the kangol cap, it is quite obvious our fathers and our fathers fathers did not want to ...
0
votes
1answer
47 views

Is the name “Dov Bear” redundant? [on hold]

I know several people whose first and second name are "Dov Bear". ""Dov" means "bear" and well, "bear" is a bear! So the person's name is "Bear Bear". Huh??? What's the deal with that? That's like ...
5
votes
1answer
56 views

Is there a problem of Kol Isha when Rina is singing in the tents of the righteous?

Psalms 118:15: ק֤וֹל ׀ רִנָּ֬ה וִֽישׁוּעָ֗ה בְּאָהֳלֵ֥י צַדִּיקִ֑ים The voices of Rina and Yeshu'ah are in the tents of the righteous I can't see a problem with Yeshu'ah ( I know some boys named ...
1
vote
3answers
53 views

What profit can you get from having a dummy?

Tehillim 30:10 מַה-בֶּצַע בְּדָמִי What profit is there in a dummy? I don't know ... perhaps this is a dum question? Is there any profit in having a dummy? Dum-de-dum-dum... This question is ...
1
vote
1answer
51 views

If not now, when?

Gee, am I surprised that AFAIK, no one on M.Y. has ever asked for the answer to this question. In Pirkei Avot 1:14, Hillel says, "If not now, when?" O.K. I'm going to do a test .. I'm giving Hillel ...
-1
votes
1answer
86 views

How do you make a “safer” Torah? [closed]

This seems to be an ongoing concern, esp. these days. We have had several people get injured from the Torah in various ways. Some incidents: While carrying the Torah, one person injured his leg ...
20
votes
8answers
6k views

What does Judaism think of math?

Is it permissible according to halacha to do math? If so, are all kinds of math OK? This question and its answers are Purim Torah and are not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the ...
12
votes
3answers
306 views

How big did Mordechai get, and was it only in the king's palace?

According to the Megillah (9:4), Mordechai grew to a very large size whenever he was in the king's palace (כִּי־גָדוֹל מָרְדֳּכַי בְּבֵית הַמֶּלֶךְ ... כִּי־הָאִישׁ מָרְדֳּכַי, הוֹלֵךְ וְגָדוֹל). How ...
8
votes
3answers
210 views

What is the text of kiddush for Purim night?

My Otzar Hatiflus siddur only has the Kiddush for Purim day. What is the text of Kiddush for Purim night, and how does one incorporate havdala when Purim begins on Motzai Shabbat? This question is ...
0
votes
0answers
25 views

Was Mordechai tall or fat from walking too much? [duplicate]

Esther 9:4 says האיש מרדכי הולד וגדול The man Mordechai was walking and "big" Which way was he "big" - height or width? And, why would walking too much make him this way? This question is Purim ...
2
votes
2answers
58 views

Love Shalom and Kill Shalom?

The mishna says in pirkei avos: הוי מתלמידיו של אהרן, אוהב שלום ורודף שלום How is this possible in practice? The minute someone sees you being rodef shalom they'll either injury you or kill you! ...
4
votes
1answer
53 views

Why couldn't the idols smell their hands or touch their feet?

In Hallel, Tehillim 115:7-8 it says: אף להם ולא יריחון ידיהם ולא ימישון רגליהם David is discussing the nations that built idols. These people believed that these idols were like human / gods. So, I ...
8
votes
2answers
102 views

“Can't argue with that?” Says who?

There is a famous Jewish adage "על טעם ועל ריח אין להתווכח". However, amazingly, one can find a plethora of disagreements in the Talmud and Halachic works whether reicha lav milsa hi or if ta'am is ...
-4
votes
2answers
93 views

How long is G-d's nose? [closed]

One of the 13 attributes of G-d is that he is ארך אפים - one with a long nose. How long is HIS nose? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
7
votes
2answers
131 views

Perl Programming in the Torah

According to Rav xkcd (an oft quoted authority in Bam), the universe was written in perl. Since the Torah is the blueprint of creation, it follows that it must contain a Perl Programming manual. Where ...
-5
votes
1answer
31 views

Is there a listing that publishes the important deaf person for each day?

Even though he may be deaf, my son still "hears" about something called the "Deaf Yomi" - the daily deaf. He assumes that this is some article or feature that highlights a deaf person or something to ...
-1
votes
0answers
32 views

Why does G-d hide his honor from His own attendants?

In the Shabbat / Yom Tov Musaf, there's a phrase that translates as: "משרתיו שואלים זח לזח איה מקום כבודו" "His attendants ask each other, 'Where is the place of His honor?'" We say this each ...
5
votes
1answer
75 views

Human sacrifice

In "Retzei", human sacrifice is clearly mentioned: רְצֵה ה' אֱלהֵינוּ בְּעַמְּךָ יִשרָאֵל וּבִתְפִלָּתָם וְהָשֵׁב אֶת הָעֲבודָה לִדְבִיר בֵּיתֶךָ. וְאִשֵּׁי יִשרָאֵל וּתְפִלָּתָם. בְּאַהֲבָה ...
6
votes
6answers
131 views

7 girls fighting over 1 boy at the Sheva Brachot?

The last of the Sheva Brachot lists 7 girls: Gila, Rina, Ditza, Chedva, Ahava, Achva, and Re'ut. Shalom is the only boy that was invited. Why couldn't they invite other boys. Don't any of these other ...
5
votes
2answers
89 views

Why do the Chassidim require explicit mention?

In the amidah, the prayer for our welfare includes specific mention of Chassidim, but not of Litvaks, Sefardim, etc.: עַל הַצַּדִּיקִים וְעַל הַחֲסִידִים. וְעַל זִקְנֵי עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשרָאֵל. ...
11
votes
6answers
2k views

Who is this Lamar?

I recently wished the Bam community a happy Rosh Chodesh, and Isaac responded (or at least attempted to respond - he seemed to have begun his Purim festivities early) with: וכן למר Also ...
3
votes
2answers
265 views

What does family have to do with the bad dog?

I often here people mention Canine Hara, the bad dog. However, it seems especially common to refer to it when discussing family. For example: I have ten children, Canine Hara. or My ...
1
vote
2answers
77 views

Does the oven have a nose and more than one eye?

In the Mishnah, Seder Teharot, Mesechet Calim, in 8:3, talking about an oven, it states: ואין לה גפים, It doesn't have גפים, which K'hati explains to mean היינו אזניים These are ears. And ...
5
votes
3answers
86 views

Do we know if this is really Queen Esther's Village?

While I was driving today (at this location), I was surprised to happen upon: Is there any evidence in the megillah or any other part of our mesorah that this is indeed the village that Queen ...
-2
votes
1answer
33 views

Is the Kiddush required to be in a separate house / building?

I noticed that the smell of warming kugel and chulent on Shabbat disturbs people's kavanah during davening. I can tell from these actions: People stare at the announcements handout to see who ...
1
vote
1answer
39 views

Why do we bless only the 10th Rabbi in the community after reading the Megillah?

The bracha after finishing the Megillah starts: Harav Esri Veinu - The tenth rabbi among us Why bless just the 10th rabbi. Aren't the other 9 as worthy? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...