THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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4
votes
1answer
222 views

Are we going the wrong direction in marriage? [closed]

The Gemara in Yevamos 63a has the following instructions: נחית דרגא ונסיב איתתא Go down a step and marry a woman At every wedding I've been to, the wedding canopy has been elevated from the ...
4
votes
1answer
113 views

How to make hamentaschen [closed]

I looked through Shulchan Aruch, but, although there are entire chapters (OC 453–462) describing how to make matza, there's a not a single mention of how to make hamentaschen. What is the ...
4
votes
1answer
116 views

Why was Moshe told to put two cabbages on top of the Aron? [closed]

Shmot 25:19: ועשה כרוב אחד מקצה מזה וכרוב אחד מקצה מזה And make one cabbage on this side and one cabbage on this side What purpose do the 2 cabbages have doing on top of the ark? Wouldn't ...
4
votes
2answers
212 views

Can I walk out of class? [closed]

If I am in a class where the teacher asks "illegal questions" (an "Ein Lomar"), what must I do? If I stay, I would now have those questions - very bedieved. If I close my ears I would have violated ...
4
votes
1answer
143 views

Some narrative difficulties related to the Midrash that identifies Haman with a previously-named character [closed]

If I recall correctly, there's a Midrash that, consistent with the "rule of conservation of Biblical personalities", identifies Haman with one of the people who shows up in the first two chapters of ...
4
votes
1answer
57 views

Where can I find the first edition of the Stone Chumash? [closed]

Deuteronomy 27:2-3 says: וְהָיָ֗ה בַּיּוֹם֮ אֲשֶׁ֣ר תַּעַבְר֣וּ אֶת־הַיַּרְדֵּן֒ אֶל־הָאָ֕רֶץ אֲשֶׁר־יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ נֹתֵ֣ן לָ֑ךְ וַהֲקֵמֹתָ֤ לְךָ֙ אֲבָנִ֣ים גְּדֹל֔וֹת וְשַׂדְתָּ֥ אֹתָ֖ם ...
4
votes
3answers
69 views

Why aren't sufganiot included in the latke-hamantasche debate? [closed]

As everybody knows, there is an ancient minhag of debating whether latkes or hamantaschen are better. But why does this debate not include sufganiot? I believe that sufganiot should have been ...
4
votes
1answer
107 views

What is Leibush Up To [closed]

The verse in Proverbs (19:21) states regarding Leibush: רבות מחשבות בלביש ועצת ה' היא תקום "Many thoughts are in Leibush, but God's plan will prevail". Who is Leibush and what is he planning? ...
4
votes
1answer
96 views

How to successfully clean your house with a bird, wood, and wool [closed]

I only want to clean my house in a way that is 100% Torah-approved. The way that is mentioned in the Torah is to use cedar, wool, hyssop, and a live bird. However, I am a bit confused. How, exactly, ...
4
votes
1answer
104 views

Is fasting like getting drunk? [closed]

Is fasting on Taanis Esther considered as if one drank Ad Dlo Yada on both Purim and Taanis Esther? Just like we find eating on Erev Yom Kippur is considered as if one fasted on both that day and Yom ...
4
votes
1answer
121 views

How do I know what to take Challah from? [closed]

Tosefos in Pesachim 37b writes: חיוב חלה הוי משעת גלגול The obligation of Challah comes at the point of reincarnation If I don't know who I am a reincarnation of, how do I know which dough ...
4
votes
0answers
71 views

Source For Different Streams of Judaism [closed]

How loyal have Chassidim, Charedim, and Tzionim been to their source texts, Sefer Chassidim, Sefer Charedim, and Sefer Hatzioni, respectively? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be ...
3
votes
4answers
190 views

Mah tov la-adam bachayim - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows what is good for a person in life? ?מה טוב לאדם בחיים - מי יודע Contrary to the spirit of Kohelet 6:12, please post happy and lighthearted Jewish prescriptions for what is good for a ...
3
votes
2answers
271 views

What was the biggest miracle in the time of the Megilla? [closed]

There were many miracles in the time of the Megilla. What was the biggest one? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
3
votes
3answers
344 views

Is there some place where I can buy Golden Calf Ale? [closed]

This past Shabbat, someone in my shul referred me to the concoction that Moses made by mixing ground up Golden Calf with water and making Jews drink it. The person said that this drink was ale, ...
3
votes
1answer
132 views

What is the source for this sukkah halacha? [closed]

What is the source that one must ride an elephant to shabbat evening meals served in a sukkah when the sukkah is to the northwest of your house? ...let's assume that Double AA is on-topic. This ...
3
votes
4answers
101 views

Gzeira Shava By Purim [closed]

We know that the Gemara darshens the laws of Purim from Yom Kippur. If so why are we not obligated to fast on Purim? יליף פורים פורים מיום הכפורים This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
3
votes
3answers
224 views

The hashkafa of atheism and mitzvot d'rabbonon? [closed]

An atheist told me that rather than being the Word of God, the Torah and the Mitzvot were actually concocted by the Rabbis and therefore they are not binding. According to his own admission, all ...
3
votes
2answers
95 views

How to observe shiluach haken on Twitter [closed]

Shiluach Haken is the commandment of sending away a mother bird before taking her eggs/chicks. Now, being that Twitter is like a bird (see their logo), how can/should shiluach haken be achieved while ...
3
votes
2answers
229 views

How frequently does G-d destroy? [closed]

At the beginning of the weekday Maariv prayer service, we say a verse from Psalms 78:38. The Artscroll translation reads: "He the Merciful One is forgiving of iniquity and does not destroy ...
3
votes
4answers
184 views

Is one allowed to fly a “Yiddish” Kite on Shabbat? [closed]

A "Yiddish" kite is a special kite that is shaped like a huge piece of kishke and has the words, "Ah Gitten Shabbess" (In Yiddish) on it. Assuming that there is an Eruv, would one be allowed to fly ...
3
votes
1answer
98 views

What is the bracha for iPhone? [closed]

Before using an iPhone, what bracha should I say? On one side, it's Apple, so it could be "bore peri haetz". But on the other side, it is made of metal, so it could also be "bore peri matechet". ...
3
votes
1answer
112 views

Was Mordechai upset that Ahashverush purposely hid from the rabbis the fact that drinking was like a religion? [closed]

Esther 1:8 והשתיה כדת אין אנס כי כן יסד המלך על כל רב ביתו "The drinking was like a religion. It was no accident that the king kept it a secret from the rabbis of his household." My understanding ...
3
votes
4answers
79 views

Why should we hate the Rabbinate? [closed]

Pirkei Avot 1:10 says: שְׂנָא אֶת הָרַבָּנוּת Hate the Rabbanut Why are we supposed to hate the Rabbanut? What did they ever do wrong? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to ...
3
votes
1answer
91 views

Are all אוזני המן halachically equal? [closed]

Is it permissible for a shul to serve אוזני המן (Hamantaschen) without including poppy seed or chocolate ones? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See ...
3
votes
3answers
163 views

How does one who can hold his liquor afflict himself on Purim? [closed]

According to the answers to this question, one is obligated to afflict himself on Purim. The achroynim say that one fulfills this obligation by getting drunk. However, the true affliction only occurs ...
3
votes
2answers
164 views

Is there a prohibition to live in a Moshav? [closed]

Tehilim says that Dovid didn't sit in a moshav leitzim (implying that we shouldn't either). Is living in another moshav prohibited as "Chatzi Shiur"? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
3
votes
1answer
196 views

Im l'eit kazot higa'at lamalchut - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows if you come to royalty for a time like this? ?אם לעת כזאת, הגעת למלכות - מי יודע In the spirit of the song "Shoshanat Ya'akov", please post interesting Jewish facts about the significance ...
3
votes
1answer
224 views

kalus rosh in a bes midrash [closed]

A happy Adar to all! The משנה in אבות says "הֱוֵי קַל לָרֹאשׁ", on which the רע״ב writes:לפני אדם גדול זקן ויושב בראש בישיבה, הוי קל לעבוד עבודתו ולשמש לפניו Thus we see that one should exercise ...
3
votes
1answer
67 views

Why can't a Tanna write a get? [closed]

The gemara (Gittin 84b) writes כל התנאין פוסלין בגט All Tannaim invalidate a get (my very own translation) Why is it that a rabbi of the mishna will invalidate a get (divorce document) by ...
3
votes
5answers
130 views

Are there any situations historically, where people are named after names of Tefillot? [closed]

I know some people who were named after various tefillot: Asher Yatzar Annie Zemiros Roz Sodecha Billy Reishis Billy Tachlis Moe Dim Al Coulomb (He's an electrician) Does the Talmud or any other ...
3
votes
1answer
82 views

חזרה שבועה לסיני [closed]

The gemara states explicitly (Bava Metzia 3a) תני רבי חייא מנה לי בידך Rabbi Chiya teaches: "You owe me 100 zuz." I showed this gemara to my chavrusa and told him that I expected to be paid in ...
3
votes
1answer
53 views

How can I get my kids to do their chores without my reminding them? [closed]

When the Israelites were about to accept the Torah, they stated נעשה ונשמע - We will do (then) we will hear. In other words, the Israelites knew what they had to do even before they heard what G-d ...
3
votes
1answer
84 views

Do I fulfill the mitzvah of mishloach manot by giving two dog biscuits to my dog? [closed]

Esther 9:19 says: ומשלוח מנות איש לרעהו A person should give mishlo'ach manot each person to his friend. They say that a dog is "man's best friend". Well, my dog, Charvonah, is really my best ...
3
votes
1answer
151 views

How could Pharaoh bring sacrifices? [closed]

The Torah teaches us that Pharaoh brought korbanos (Shemos 14:10) ופרעה הקריב Pharaoh offered sacrifices It is not clear what sacrifices Pharaoh brought, however the Torah tells us a ...
3
votes
1answer
93 views

If a lamb gets lost in a flax field, does it become shatnez? [closed]

What do Sha'ul Hamelech (before he was king) and Little Bo Peep have in common? Their sheep got lost. If their, or someone's sheep got lost in a flax field, and rolled around or ate some of the flax, ...
3
votes
1answer
199 views

Stirah: is snow good or bad in Judaism? [closed]

On the one hand, we pray that our sins should become white like snow (kashelek yalbinu). On the other hand, we repeatedly find snow representing negative feelings: "Vayosifu Od SNOW oso" and "Eis ...
3
votes
0answers
23 views

Helper-related vows [closed]

The Bavli, Shabas 93, brings several proofs to the proposition that מסייע אין בו ממש, one who helps is not tangible. On the other hand, a general rule of vows (n'darim), mentioned e.g. in the Bavli, ...
3
votes
0answers
45 views

Mincha as a Custom [closed]

I was reviewing for shabbos in my Ezras Torah Luach (I read it twice in the Hebrew, and once in the English translation so I feel prepared for shul) and I noticed a subtle difference in the wording. ...
3
votes
1answer
82 views

Hechacham Yihyeh o Sachal - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? החכם יהיה או סכל - מי יודע?‏ The controversial royal rumination Kohelet implies (in 2:19) a possible presupposition that there is a Jewish ...
3
votes
0answers
207 views

What’s Doctor Who doing in the Talmud? [closed]

Among the early amoraim is ר׳ יוחנן נפחא (Rabbi Yochanan Nafcha), brother-in-law to the amora Resh Lakish. His name translates as John Smith; cf. Wikipedia and Morfix. This obviously refers to the ...
2
votes
5answers
1k views

Why do we drink malt whisky? [closed]

It's a Jewish tradition to serve malt whisky at simchas and to drink this also on Purim (in addition to wine at the seuda). From where does this custom derive? This question is Purim Torah and is ...
2
votes
2answers
276 views

Eating before leaning on Esther [closed]

Did Haman eat at the party before Ahashveirosh caught him "leaning" on Esther? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
2
votes
4answers
110 views

Are there any Judaic on-line stores that sell Yiddishe cups? [closed]

I've checked Eichler's and even looked on EBay but I haven't found a real Yiddishe drinking cup, preferably one strong enough for piping hot coffee. Does anyone know any on-line site that sells them? ...
2
votes
3answers
348 views

Does the Torah tell us what to eat at the Purim meal? [closed]

Since we know that the Torah instructs us in every aspect of our lives, are there any instructions about what to eat at the Purim meal? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
2
votes
3answers
110 views

Are there reliable Rav Hamchshir for certified pre-owned Hondas? [closed]

In my neighborhood, many of my frum neighbors drive Honda Odysseys. They are a popular minivan esp. for families with lots of kids. I asked someone about her car and what it costs. She said that she ...
2
votes
2answers
82 views

Why was dill created just before Shabbat? [closed]

Pirkei Avot 5:6: עֲשָׂרָה דְבָרִים נִבְרְאוּ בְעֶרֶב שַׁבָּת בֵּין הַשְּׁמָשׁוֹת, וְאֵלּו הֵן.... וְהַשָּׁמִיר,: Ten things were created on the eve of the [first] Shabbat at twilight. And ...
2
votes
4answers
71 views

Can a person increase in joy before Adar? [closed]

It is written: משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה (When Adar comes we increase in joy) If a person started to get happy on Tu b'Shevat instead, is this permissible b'dieved (after the fact)? What if ...
2
votes
1answer
98 views

How is Hashem similar to Mi Yodeya [closed]

We have a famous song called Echad Mi Yodeya and a famous prayer "Hashem Echad". From here we have a Hekesh of Hashem to Mi Yodeya. What do we learn from this Hekesh? This question is Purim Torah ...
2
votes
2answers
165 views

Whence “Purim”? [closed]

M'gilas Ester is very clear about the name of the holiday (9:26): עַל כֵּן קָרְאוּ לַיָּמִים הָאֵלֶּה פוּרִים So they called these days F urim Where does the current name of Purim come from? ...