THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. Purim Torah is a term used to describe humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim.

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24
votes
5answers
2k views

Surviving the zombie apocalypse? [closed]

One of Maimonidies 13 principles of faith is believing in the resurrection of the dead wherein the dead will arise from their graves. My question is have chazal provided any guidelines for how we are ...
5
votes
4answers
266 views

Giving turkey to G-d [closed]

In much of our liturgy, we say: הודו לה' כי-טוב כי לעולם חסדו Turkey for G-d because it is good, because [His/its] loving-kindness is everlasting. Also: טוב להודות לה It is good to ...
5
votes
3answers
283 views

May a Jewish professional boxer box a Jewish professional beat boxer? [closed]

(Not to be confused with this question.) Are there any halachic problems with a Jewish boxer boxing a Jewish beat boxer? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
6
votes
1answer
260 views

May a Jew be a professional beat boxer? [closed]

(Not to be confused with this question.) Are there any halachic problems with a Jew being a professional beat boxer? (For those unfamiliar, click the speaker icon here for audio.) This question is ...
5
votes
3answers
232 views

Tahanun on Superbowl Sunday in competing market? [closed]

Is one supposed to recite תחנון on Superbowl Sunday if he is in the market of a team that is competing? What if it's a multi-team market, like the Jets and the Giants or the Redskins and the Ravens, ...
2
votes
4answers
134 views

Mah tov la-adam bachayim - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows what is good for a person in life? ?מה טוב לאדם בחיים - מי יודע Contrary to the spirit of Kohelet 6:12, please post happy and lighthearted Jewish prescriptions for what is good for a ...
8
votes
5answers
405 views

If I am obligated to be drunk all the time, how is Purim different? [closed]

We all know the halacha of עִבְדוּ אֶת-יְה-ה בְּשִׂמְחָה (Tehillim 100:2). But the gemara paskens (Pesachim 109a) that since the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash "אין שמחה אלא ביין" ("Joy only comes ...
3
votes
1answer
195 views

Stirah: is snow good or bad in Judaism? [closed]

On the one hand, we pray that our sins should become white like snow (kashelek yalbinu). On the other hand, we repeatedly find snow representing negative feelings: "Vayosifu Od SNOW oso" and "Eis ...
12
votes
3answers
325 views

How big did Mordechai get, and was it only in the king's palace? [closed]

According to the Megillah (9:4), Mordechai grew to a very large size whenever he was in the king's palace (כִּי־גָדוֹל מָרְדֳּכַי בְּבֵית הַמֶּלֶךְ ... כִּי־הָאִישׁ מָרְדֳּכַי, הוֹלֵךְ וְגָדוֹל). How ...
4
votes
3answers
148 views

Why did Lavan say “Ashre”? [closed]

In parashas "Vayetze", 31:25, we have the following in Onkelos: וְאַדְבֵּיק לָבָן יָת יַעֲקֹב וְיַעֲקֹב פְּרַס יָת מַשְׁכְּנֵהּ בְּטוּרָא וְלָבָן אַשְׁרֵי יָת אֲחוֹהִי בְּטוּרָא דְּגִלְעָד.‏ ...
5
votes
2answers
145 views

Why does the verse in Mishpatim say Vashti ruled over fewer countries than mentioned in Ester? [closed]

As we come to the close of Shabbas Mishpatim, I will ask a question that I am sure has troubled many. The verse (23:31) tells us: ושתי את גבולך מים סוף ועד ים פלשתים וממדבר עד הנהר Vashti: ...
6
votes
3answers
216 views

The media in Shushan [closed]

Esther 10:2 says: הֲלוֹא-הֵם כְּתוּבִים, עַל-סֵפֶר דִּבְרֵי הַיָּמִים, לְמַלְכֵי מָדַי Behold, they are written in the book of chronicles of the kings of the media. Who were the kings ...
4
votes
1answer
130 views

Multiplying negatives = 2 Bediavads [closed]

If multiplying two negatives equals a positve then shouldn't two Bedieveds equal a Lechatehila? E.G. I heard from a HaRav Mansour Shelit"a that if one washes one's self with Tisha Kabin, then it ...
8
votes
5answers
245 views

What's an “achashvei”? [closed]

From my preschooler: What's an Achashvei? I know that a rosh is a head. I want to know what kind of head Achashveirosh was. Can you help me come up with a satisfying answer? I'd prefer not ...
3
votes
1answer
171 views

Im l'eit kazot higa'at lamalchut - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows if you come to royalty for a time like this? ?אם לעת כזאת, הגעת למלכות - מי יודע In the spirit of the song "Shoshanat Ya'akov", please post interesting Jewish facts about the significance ...
9
votes
1answer
198 views

Why didn't Mordechai keep Mitzvos? [closed]

It says in the Megilla "ויאמרו עבדי המלך אשר בשער המלך למרדכי מדוע אתה עובר את מצות המלך" - "The servants of the King (who were in the King's gates) asked Mordechai 'Why do you go against the command ...
3
votes
2answers
237 views

What was the biggest miracle in the time of the Megilla? [closed]

There were many miracles in the time of the Megilla. What was the biggest one? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
10
votes
3answers
332 views

No Offense Loophole [closed]

(Inspired by this question) Who came up with the No Offense loophole of: No offense, but your sweater makes you look fat. OR No offense, but if you really think what you just said is true, ...
1
vote
2answers
123 views

Daylight Saving Time - forward or backward? [closed]

Halachically speaking, do I have to set my clocks forward one hour in the spring, or can I set them back one hour (this will give me two hours more in my day than everyone setting their clocks forward ...
7
votes
3answers
184 views

Is Daylight Saving Time a Mitzvah DeOraitha or Takkanah DeRabanan? [closed]

This week many in the U.S. will change their clocks for Daylight Saving Time. Is this a Mitzvah DeOraitha or Takkanah DeRabanan? I can't seem to find any source for this except a poorly worded and ...
2
votes
6answers
417 views

Can I Have a Chumra Please? [closed]

I'm looking to take on a really, really, really enourmous chumra which will greatly affect my life to show how dedicated I am to Hashem. Does anyone have any suggestions? This question is Purim ...
3
votes
2answers
212 views

How frequently does G-d destroy? [closed]

At the beginning of the weekday Maariv prayer service, we say a verse from Psalms 78:38. The Artscroll translation reads: "He the Merciful One is forgiving of iniquity and does not destroy ...
15
votes
4answers
1k views

What's up with this strange new hechsher? [closed]

All of a sudden, I’ve seen the hechsher shown in these photos popping up on various products. I’ve never seen it before, and I don’t see it listed on any of the usual online hechsher lists. Have ...
8
votes
2answers
227 views

Zachor from a non-kosher Sefer torah [closed]

We know that one is not yotzeh if he hears Zachor read from a non-kosher Sefer Torah. What is the process of kashering the Sefer Torah so it will be usable? Must one do hag'alah? Does hag'alah work, ...
30
votes
11answers
1k views

Haman was Basar b’Chalav, so how could we eat him? [closed]

Esther 3:5 says, “וימלא המן חמה” Haman was filled with butter. This would presumably make his flesh basar b’chalav, but Shemos 16:35 clearly says “ובני ישראל אכלו את־המן” the Children of Israel ate ...
4
votes
2answers
148 views

How much is keifel for Gneivas Daas? [closed]

When one steals knowledge (Gneivas Daas) and gets caught by witnesses, how does he pay back double? PS. Why is there no Gzeilas Daas? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
40
votes
5answers
3k views

Rejecting others' friend requests on Facebook [closed]

Inspired by this question: If one receives a friend request on Facebook, especially from another Jew, is it permissible to reject them? On the one hand, "חברים כל ישראל" - "All Jews are friends"; ...
12
votes
4answers
510 views

Am I yotzei bikur cholim by visiting someone's Facebook page? [closed]

Since people increasingly live their lives online can I be yotzei the mitzvah of bikur cholim by visting the choleh's Facebook page? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
8
votes
3answers
171 views

Trapping during the week [closed]

The medrosh criticizes Eisov for trapping his father with questions such as "must one tithe salt," yet doesn't specify that it was shobbos, so there should be no melucha of "tzud"! Is this proof that ...
7
votes
3answers
486 views

Why does a Hamentash have three sides? [closed]

All Hamentashen that I've seen have three sides and all Hamentashen have filling. Why is that? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
8
votes
7answers
488 views

Eating Hamentashen on Purim [closed]

I've been wondering: how much hamentashen must one consume on purim? Is this independent of type or amount of filling? If not, what kinds of hamentashen qualify? This question is Purim Torah and is ...
2
votes
2answers
255 views

Eating before leaning on Esther [closed]

Did Haman eat at the party before Ahashveirosh caught him "leaning" on Esther? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
7
votes
7answers
539 views

Is wearing masks on Purim a Biblical Commandment or a Rabbinic Commandment? [closed]

As we all know, wearing masks on Purim is a Mitzva. Is it from the Torah, or was it only originated in the times of Esther, making it Rabbinic? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to ...
13
votes
4answers
478 views

heresy on Purim [closed]

On Purim we're supposed to engage in מִשְׁלוֹחַ מִנּוּת, the sending of heresy to our fellow Jews. What are some pieces of heretical literature that are appropriate for sending on Purim? Or ones you'd ...
4
votes
6answers
409 views

the danger of eating matza [closed]

We should not be allowed to eat מצה on פסח! After all, it's made with מים שלנו ("our water"; that is, water that's been sitting out for hours and hours), and חז״ל say there's a risk of poisoning, ר״ל, ...
3
votes
1answer
216 views

kalus rosh in a bes midrash [closed]

A happy Adar to all! The משנה in אבות says "הֱוֵי קַל לָרֹאשׁ", on which the רע״ב writes:לפני אדם גדול זקן ויושב בראש בישיבה, הוי קל לעבוד עבודתו ולשמש לפניו Thus we see that one should exercise ...