THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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5answers
259 views

On the qualifications to be queen of Persia [closed]

In the first chapter of Ester, Achashverosh is advised that his queen, Vashti, be removed from her position ‏…וּמַלְכוּתָהּ יִתֵּן הַמֶּלֶךְ לִרְעוּתָהּ הַטּוֹבָה מִמֶּנָּה. וְנִשְׁמַע ...
5
votes
5answers
1k views

Seeking texts of all prayers associated with the clock change [closed]

In previous years, we've discussed the basic commandment status of changing clocks around this time of year as well as the proper language for announcing the change. Given that it's a commandment and ...
5
votes
3answers
341 views

May a Jewish professional boxer box a Jewish professional beat boxer? [closed]

(Not to be confused with this question.) Are there any halachic problems with a Jewish boxer boxing a Jewish beat boxer? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
5
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3answers
238 views

Tahanun on Superbowl Sunday in competing market? [closed]

Is one supposed to recite תחנון on Superbowl Sunday if he is in the market of a team that is competing? What if it's a multi-team market, like the Jets and the Giants or the Redskins and the Ravens, ...
5
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3answers
104 views

Do we know if this is really Queen Esther's Village? [closed]

While I was driving today (at this location), I was surprised to happen upon: Is there any evidence in the megillah or any other part of our mesorah that this is indeed the village that Queen ...
5
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3answers
92 views

Negative Attitude Towards Enlightenment [closed]

Why do Jewish sources often refer to the Enlightenment movement negatively, if membership in the movement is a Biblical obligation as in Psalms (41:2) אַשְׁרֵי מַשְׂכִּיל "Praiseworthy is the Maskil"? ...
5
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3answers
295 views

Is Cholent DeOraitha or DeRabbanan? [closed]

As definitively proven by an 'Am HaAretz Gamur MiDeOraitha (a title of high distinction if ever there was one), eating Cholent on Shabbath is required. Every week. Without exception. But is this ...
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2answers
186 views

From what time do we show up for Shabbat lunch? [closed]

We all know the mishna in Se'udot: It once happened that Rabban Zmanliochel's sons were on their way to a Shabbat lunch. They said to him "We have not received instructions on when to come." He ...
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4answers
96 views

Why didn't Adam use the pen of earth? [closed]

The first Pasuk of the Torah: בְּרֵאשִׁ֖ית בָּרָ֣א אֱלֹהִ֑ים עט הַשָּׁמַ֖יִם ועט הָאָֽרֶץ׃ In the beginning God created the pen of the heaven and the pen of the earth. However, when talking ...
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2answers
167 views

How do I make my Adars the same? [closed]

The mishnah (Megillah 1:4) tells us: אֵין בֵּין אַדָּר הָרִאשׁוֹן לַאֲדָר הַשֵּׁנִי אֶלָּא קְרִיאַת הַמְּגִלָּה וּמַתָּנוֹת לָאֶבְיוֹנִים There is no difference between the Adar I and Adar II ...
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3answers
143 views

How do Hassidic Jews maintain marital peace? [closed]

The Rema writes in Yoreh De'ah 185:3 מי שרוצה להחמיר על עצמו, שלא להאמין לה, מדת חסידות הוא One who wants to be stringent on himself and not trust his wife, this is characteristic of ...
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2answers
123 views

Why do the Chassidim require explicit mention? [closed]

In the amidah, the prayer for our welfare includes specific mention of Chassidim, but not of Litvaks, Sefardim, etc.: עַל הַצַּדִּיקִים וְעַל הַחֲסִידִים. וְעַל זִקְנֵי עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשרָאֵל. ...
5
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3answers
160 views

What are the two prohibitions, and why thank God after being bound by them? [closed]

It's well known that there are four main categories of persons who offer a korban toda (or say hagomel) to thank God, one of which is מי שהיה חבוש בב׳ האיסורים, someone who was bound by the two ...
5
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3answers
402 views

Why was David not afraid of the myriads he bought a round for? [closed]

Psalm 3 is a hopeful psalm. David starts by noting that great and powerful people have persecuted him, including his own son, Absalom. Then he expresses his hopeful trust that God will deliver him ...
5
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2answers
152 views

Why does the verse in Mishpatim say Vashti ruled over fewer countries than mentioned in Ester? [closed]

As we come to the close of Shabbas Mishpatim, I will ask a question that I am sure has troubled many. The verse (23:31) tells us: ושתי את גבולך מים סוף ועד ים פלשתים וממדבר עד הנהר Vashti: ...
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2answers
92 views

Does one need to flip the Torah exactly twice or more than this? [closed]

As a Torah reader, before starting to read the Torah, I flip it upside down about 50 times to obey Ben Bag Bag's adage, Pirkei Avot 5:22: בֶּן בַּג בַּג אוֹמֵר, הֲפָךְ בָּהּ וַהֲפָךְ בָּהּ, ...
5
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1answer
94 views

Is there a problem of Kol Isha when Rina is singing in the tents of the righteous? [closed]

Psalms 118:15: ק֤וֹל ׀ רִנָּ֬ה וִֽישׁוּעָ֗ה בְּאָהֳלֵ֥י צַדִּיקִ֑ים The voices of Rina and Yeshu'ah are in the tents of the righteous I can't see a problem with Yeshu'ah ( I know some boys named ...
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3answers
181 views

Should we eat Persian food, Indian food or Ethiopian food for Purim Se'udah? [closed]

The beginning of the Megillah mentions that Ahashverush ruled from Hodu - India until Kush - Ethiopia. But, the palace was in Persia. So to best honor Purim what type of cuisine would be most ...
5
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1answer
60 views

Meat and dairy shamir worms? [closed]

If I used a shamir to cut through over-baked colov yisroel NY pizza and also to penetrate my mother-in-law's dry meatloaf, would I need one shamir worm for meat and the other for dairy, or can I use ...
5
votes
1answer
62 views

Doesn't the Yetzer Hora have a huge advantage over the Yetzer Tov? [closed]

Seeing as the Yetzer Tov loves Mitzvos, we can safely assume that he only uses a Kosher phone to aid him in the fight against the Yetzer Hora. But the Yetzer Hora himself has the latest smartphone ...
5
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1answer
79 views

Why couldn't the idols smell their hands or touch their feet? [closed]

In Hallel, Tehillim 115:7-8 it says: אף להם ולא יריחון ידיהם ולא ימישון רגליהם David is discussing the nations that built idols. These people believed that these idols were like human / gods. So, I ...
5
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1answer
98 views

Human sacrifice [closed]

In "Retzei", human sacrifice is clearly mentioned: רְצֵה ה' אֱלהֵינוּ בְּעַמְּךָ יִשרָאֵל וּבִתְפִלָּתָם וְהָשֵׁב אֶת הָעֲבודָה לִדְבִיר בֵּיתֶךָ. וְאִשֵּׁי יִשרָאֵל וּתְפִלָּתָם. בְּאַהֲבָה ...
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0answers
68 views

Can I use M.Y. bounty as a means of Matanot L'evyonim? [closed]

Matanot L'evyonim is a Purim mitzvah to give gifts to at least 2 poor people. An "evyon" is described as "poor". But he could be "poor" in anything, not necessarily monetary means. There are a ...
5
votes
1answer
137 views

Can Frankenstein's Golem wear women's clothing on Purim? [closed]

We know that Rebbe Victor Frankenstein created a golem (the English called it a monster) during the 18th century. Since Frankenstein was Jewish, I've been wondering about the halakhot that apply to ...
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6answers
435 views

the danger of eating matza [closed]

We should not be allowed to eat מצה on פסח! After all, it's made with מים שלנו ("our water"; that is, water that's been sitting out for hours and hours), and חז״ל say there's a risk of poisoning, ר״ל, ...
4
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6answers
468 views

Can I Have a Chumra Please? [closed]

I'm looking to take on a really, really, really enourmous chumra which will greatly affect my life to show how dedicated I am to Hashem. Does anyone have any suggestions? This question is Purim ...
4
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3answers
170 views

Why did Lavan say “Ashre”? [closed]

In parashas "Vayetze", 31:25, we have the following in Onkelos: וְאַדְבֵּיק לָבָן יָת יַעֲקֹב וְיַעֲקֹב פְּרַס יָת מַשְׁכְּנֵהּ בְּטוּרָא וְלָבָן אַשְׁרֵי יָת אֲחוֹהִי בְּטוּרָא דְּגִלְעָד.‏ ...
4
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3answers
189 views

What did the brave shul men die from? [closed]

A plaque in the back of my shul says: "This plaque is in memory of all the brave men that died during service." It seems that these men died during the middle of davening or something. What did they ...
4
votes
4answers
152 views

What are the ramifications of nailing my sleeveless sweater to the wall? [closed]

I took my sleeveless sweater and nailed it into the wall. It's set in there pretty darn good. So I'm just wondering, are there any ramifications now that it is a vest kavua? This question is Purim ...
4
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2answers
131 views

Can you give mishloach manos to yourself? [closed]

My friend teaches at a Sunday school, and made mishloach manos with her class last week. One very bright student asked her, "What if there's no one for me to give mishloach manos to? I can't give it ...
4
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2answers
134 views

Why Didnt Jacob Shave His Beard [closed]

The verse states (Gen 48:10) ועיני ישראל כבדו מזקן לא יוכל לראות "And Israel's eyes were weakened (i.e. obstructed) by his beard, so he couldn't see". If his beard was obstructing his vision, why ...
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2answers
755 views

So very much rain [closed]

Someone told me today that the Purim story starts in the third year of Achashverosh's rain. How can this be? After the forty days of Noach's rain, Hashem said he'd never bring such a big rain again! ...
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3answers
84 views

Doubts about the Eishet Chayil [closed]

"She seeks out wool and linen, and her hands work willingly" "דרשה צמר ופשתים, ותעש בחפץ כפיה" Why would it be allowed for the eishet chayil to make shatnez? Does she serve milk and meat, ...
4
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4answers
246 views

ואם תאמר— but what if we didn't say anything? [closed]

When Tosafos or other Rishonim introduce a question with the phrase "and if it were said" (my translation) do they mean to imply that the question is b'dieved and everything would make more sense if ...
4
votes
1answer
130 views

Life, the Universe, and Everything? [closed]

Harav HaGaon Adams in his Kuntres LiMasa'os HaGer Ba'Olam states that the answer to "life, the universe, and every thing" is 42, but neglects to clarify what the actual question is, since in his day ...
4
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3answers
91 views

Is it more heimish to say “Google” or “Giggle”? [closed]

I am concerned that saying "Google" (גוגל) is chukat ha-goyim and that I should definitely be saying "Giggle" (גיגל) instead. Kal v'chomer, I have heard many, l'havdil, Modern Orthodox and secular ...
4
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2answers
79 views

How come there are skinny Mikvah attendants? [closed]

The Halacha is quite clear: צָרִיךְ לְהַעֲמִיד עַל גַּבָּהּ יְהוּדִית גְּדוֹלָה יוֹתֵר מִי''ב שָׁנָה וְיוֹם אֶחָד בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁהִיא טוֹבֶלֶת, שֶׁתִּרְאֶה שֶׁלֹּא יִשָּׁאֵר מִשְּׂעַר רֹאשָׁהּ צָף ...
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votes
4answers
57 views

Gzeira Shava by Purim II [closed]

We know that the Gemara (maseches smachos probably) darshens hilchos Yom Kippur from Purim כתיב הכא אך בעשור לחדש השביעי הזה יום הכפרים הוא וכתיב התם על כן קראו לימים האלה פורים מה להלן במשתה ...
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4answers
77 views

Which grandfathers was King David afraid of? [closed]

Tehillim 19:14 says: גם מזדים, חשוך עבדך-- אל-ימשלו-בי אז איתם Also from zeidis keep your servant away, let them not rule over me Who were these grandfathers who wanted to rule over King ...
4
votes
2answers
164 views

How much is keifel for Gneivas Daas? [closed]

When one steals knowledge (Gneivas Daas) and gets caught by witnesses, how does he pay back double? PS. Why is there no Gzeilas Daas? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
4
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3answers
137 views

How can one prevent women from attending shul this Shabbat? [closed]

While I have nothing against women or their attending shul on Shabbat or at any other time of the year, this Shabbat, in particular is שבת זכר , a Shabbat designated for just men. For some odd ...
4
votes
2answers
301 views

What does family have to do with the bad dog? [closed]

I often here people mention Canine Hara, the bad dog. However, it seems especially common to refer to it when discussing family. For example: I have ten children, Canine Hara. or My ...
4
votes
2answers
92 views

What do we do to celebrate the happiest day of the year? [closed]

The Talmud in Taanis 29a says: משנכנס אב ממעטין בשמחה From when Av enters we reduce our happiness and משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה From when Adar enters we increase our happiness ...
4
votes
3answers
97 views

Is one allowed to offer bounties on Mi Yodeya? [closed]

Mi Yodeya has a bounty feature, where a user gives away some of their reputation points to either attract or reward a high-quality answer (simplified). However, we learn in the name of the Chafetz ...
4
votes
2answers
121 views

Which side was the Llama of Yetziat Mitzrayim on? [closed]

I am wondering about the role of the Llama in Yetziat Mitzrayim. Shmot 5:4: ויאמר אליהם, מלך מצרים, למה משה ואהרון, תפריעו את-העם ממעשיו לכו, לסבלותיכם And the King of Egypt said to them: ...
4
votes
3answers
95 views

What is this parsha about Haman and why should I read it daily? [closed]

This morning, as I was about to put my tefillin bag in the closet, I saw a young guy still davening something after minyan was finished. I waited until he finished and asked him what he was saying. He ...
4
votes
1answer
69 views

Why do we say kidush twice at the seder? [closed]

At the seder on the first night (or two nights) of Pesach, we follow a particular, strict order of operations: Kadesh, recite kidush. Urchatz, wash hands for karpas. Karpas, eat a vegetable. ...
4
votes
2answers
156 views

Why do we drink wine on Purim? [closed]

Why do people have a custom of drinking davka wine on Purim? After all, the story took place in שושן הבירה - Shushan of Beer (Ester 1:2)! Why do people drink wine instead of beer then? This ...
4
votes
1answer
134 views

Multiplying negatives = 2 Bediavads [closed]

If multiplying two negatives equals a positve then shouldn't two Bedieveds equal a Lechatehila? E.G. I heard from a HaRav Mansour Shelit"a that if one washes one's self with Tisha Kabin, then it ...
4
votes
1answer
222 views

Are we going the wrong direction in marriage? [closed]

The Gemara in Yevamos 63a has the following instructions: נחית דרגא ונסיב איתתא Go down a step and marry a woman At every wedding I've been to, the wedding canopy has been elevated from the ...