THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. Purim Torah is a term used to describe humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim.

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4
votes
1answer
63 views

How to make hamentaschen [closed]

I looked through Shulchan Aruch, but, although there are entire chapters (OC 453–462) describing how to make matza, there's a not a single mention of how to make hamentaschen. What is the ...
4
votes
2answers
173 views

Can I walk out of class? [closed]

If I am in a class where the teacher asks "illegal questions" (an "Ein Lomar"), what must I do? If I stay, I would now have those questions - very bedieved. If I close my ears I would have violated ...
4
votes
1answer
132 views

Some narrative difficulties related to the Midrash that identifies Haman with a previously-named character [closed]

If I recall correctly, there's a Midrash that, consistent with the "rule of conservation of Biblical personalities", identifies Haman with one of the people who shows up in the first two chapters of ...
4
votes
1answer
74 views

Is fasting like getting drunk? [closed]

Is fasting on Taanis Esther considered as if one drank Ad Dlo Yada on both Purim and Taanis Esther? Just like we find eating on Erev Yom Kippur is considered as if one fasted on both that day and Yom ...
4
votes
1answer
111 views

How do I know what to take Challah from? [closed]

Tosefos in Pesachim 37b writes: חיוב חלה הוי משעת גלגול The obligation of Challah comes at the point of reincarnation If I don't know who I am a reincarnation of, how do I know which dough ...
4
votes
0answers
59 views

Source For Different Streams of Judaism [closed]

How loyal have Chassidim, Charedim, and Tzionim been to their source texts, Sefer Chassidim, Sefer Charedim, and Sefer Hatzioni, respectively? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be ...
3
votes
2answers
229 views

What was the biggest miracle in the time of the Megilla? [closed]

There were many miracles in the time of the Megilla. What was the biggest one? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
3
votes
3answers
165 views

What did the brave shul men die from? [closed]

A plaque in the back of my shul says: "This plaque is in memory of all the brave men that died during service." It seems that these men died during the middle of davening or something. What did they ...
3
votes
2answers
112 views

Why Didnt Jacob Shave His Beard [closed]

The verse states (Gen 48:10) ועיני ישראל כבדו מזקן לא יוכל לראות "And Israel's eyes were weakened (i.e. obstructed) by his beard, so he couldn't see". If his beard was obstructing his vision, why ...
3
votes
3answers
211 views

The hashkafa of atheism and mitzvot d'rabbonon? [closed]

An atheist told me that rather than being the Word of God, the Torah and the Mitzvot were actually concocted by the Rabbis and therefore they are not binding. According to his own admission, all ...
3
votes
4answers
72 views

Gzeira Shava By Purim [closed]

We know that the Gemara darshens the laws of Purim from Yom Kippur. If so why are we not obligated to fast on Purim? יליף פורים פורים מיום הכפורים This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
3
votes
2answers
211 views

How frequently does G-d destroy? [closed]

At the beginning of the weekday Maariv prayer service, we say a verse from Psalms 78:38. The Artscroll translation reads: "He the Merciful One is forgiving of iniquity and does not destroy ...
3
votes
4answers
110 views

Is one allowed to fly a “Yiddish” Kite on Shabbat? [closed]

A "Yiddish" kite is a special kite that is shaped like a huge piece of kishke and has the words, "Ah Gitten Shabbess" (In Yiddish) on it. Assuming that there is an Eruv, would one be allowed to fly ...
3
votes
2answers
276 views

What does family have to do with the bad dog? [closed]

I often here people mention Canine Hara, the bad dog. However, it seems especially common to refer to it when discussing family. For example: I have ten children, Canine Hara. or My ...
3
votes
1answer
79 views

Was Mordechai upset that Ahashverush purposely hid from the rabbis the fact that drinking was like a religion? [closed]

Esther 1:8 והשתיה כדת אין אנס כי כן יסד המלך על כל רב ביתו "The drinking was like a religion. It was no accident that the king kept it a secret from the rabbis of his household." My understanding ...
3
votes
2answers
76 views

How to observe shiluach haken on Twitter [closed]

Shiluach Haken is the commandment of sending away a mother bird before taking her eggs/chicks. Now, being that Twitter is like a bird (see their logo), how can/should shiluach haken be achieved while ...
3
votes
1answer
63 views

Are all אוזני המן halachically equal? [closed]

Is it permissible for a shul to serve אוזני המן (Hamantaschen) without including poppy seed or chocolate ones? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See ...
3
votes
3answers
135 views

How does one who can hold his liquor afflict himself on Purim? [closed]

According to the answers to this question, one is obligated to afflict himself on Purim. The achroynim say that one fulfills this obligation by getting drunk. However, the true affliction only occurs ...
3
votes
2answers
156 views

Is there a prohibition to live in a Moshav? [closed]

Tehilim says that Dovid didn't sit in a moshav leitzim (implying that we shouldn't either). Is living in another moshav prohibited as "Chatzi Shiur"? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
3
votes
1answer
170 views

Im l'eit kazot higa'at lamalchut - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows if you come to royalty for a time like this? ?אם לעת כזאת, הגעת למלכות - מי יודע In the spirit of the song "Shoshanat Ya'akov", please post interesting Jewish facts about the significance ...
3
votes
1answer
214 views

kalus rosh in a bes midrash [closed]

A happy Adar to all! The משנה in אבות says "הֱוֵי קַל לָרֹאשׁ", on which the רע״ב writes:לפני אדם גדול זקן ויושב בראש בישיבה, הוי קל לעבוד עבודתו ולשמש לפניו Thus we see that one should exercise ...
3
votes
1answer
78 views

Why was Moshe told to put two cabbages on top of the Aron? [closed]

Shmot 25:19: ועשה כרוב אחד מקצה מזה וכרוב אחד מקצה מזה And make one cabbage on this side and one cabbage on this side What purpose do the 2 cabbages have doing on top of the ark? Wouldn't ...
3
votes
1answer
51 views

Why can't a Tanna write a get? [closed]

The gemara (Gittin 84b) writes כל התנאין פוסלין בגט All Tannaim invalidate a get (my very own translation) Why is it that a rabbi of the mishna will invalidate a get (divorce document) by ...
3
votes
5answers
115 views

Are there any situations historically, where people are named after names of Tefillot? [closed]

I know some people who were named after various tefillot: Asher Yatzar Annie Zemiros Roz Sodecha Billy Reishis Billy Tachlis Moe Dim Al Coulomb (He's an electrician) Does the Talmud or any other ...
3
votes
1answer
68 views

What is Leibush Up To [closed]

The verse in Proverbs (19:21) states regarding Leibush: רבות מחשבות בלביש ועצת ה' היא תקום "Many thoughts are in Leibush, but God's plan will prevail". Who is Leibush and what is he planning? ...
3
votes
1answer
43 views

Do I fulfill the mitzvah of mishloach manot by giving two dog biscuits to my dog? [closed]

Esther 9:19 says: ומשלוח מנות איש לרעהו A person should give mishlo'ach manot each person to his friend. They say that a dog is "man's best friend". Well, my dog, Charvonah, is really my best ...
3
votes
1answer
142 views

How could Pharaoh bring sacrifices? [closed]

The Torah teaches us that Pharaoh brought korbanos (Shemos 14:10) ופרעה הקריב Pharaoh offered sacrifices It is not clear what sacrifices Pharaoh brought, however the Torah tells us a ...
3
votes
1answer
72 views

חזרה שבועה לסיני [closed]

The gemara states explicitly (Bava Metzia 3a) תני רבי חייא מנה לי בידך Rabbi Chiya teaches: "You owe me 100 zuz." I showed this gemara to my chavrusa and told him that I expected to be paid in ...
3
votes
1answer
77 views

If a lamb gets lost in a flax field, does it become shatnez? [closed]

What do Sha'ul Hamelech (before he was king) and Little Bo Peep have in common? Their sheep got lost. If their, or someone's sheep got lost in a flax field, and rolled around or ate some of the flax, ...
3
votes
1answer
195 views

Stirah: is snow good or bad in Judaism? [closed]

On the one hand, we pray that our sins should become white like snow (kashelek yalbinu). On the other hand, we repeatedly find snow representing negative feelings: "Vayosifu Od SNOW oso" and "Eis ...
3
votes
0answers
194 views

What’s Doctor Who doing in the Talmud? [closed]

Among the early amoraim is ר׳ יוחנן נפחא (Rabbi Yochanan Nafcha), brother-in-law to the amora Resh Lakish. His name translates as John Smith; cf. Wikipedia and Morfix. This obviously refers to the ...
2
votes
6answers
412 views

Can I Have a Chumra Please? [closed]

I'm looking to take on a really, really, really enourmous chumra which will greatly affect my life to show how dedicated I am to Hashem. Does anyone have any suggestions? This question is Purim ...
2
votes
5answers
1k views

Why do we drink malt whisky? [closed]

It's a Jewish tradition to serve malt whisky at simchas and to drink this also on Purim (in addition to wine at the seuda). From where does this custom derive? This question is Purim Torah and is ...
2
votes
4answers
133 views

Mah tov la-adam bachayim - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows what is good for a person in life? ?מה טוב לאדם בחיים - מי יודע Contrary to the spirit of Kohelet 6:12, please post happy and lighthearted Jewish prescriptions for what is good for a ...
2
votes
2answers
253 views

Eating before leaning on Esther [closed]

Did Haman eat at the party before Ahashveirosh caught him "leaning" on Esther? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
2
votes
4answers
99 views

Are there any Judaic on-line stores that sell Yiddishe cups? [closed]

I've checked Eichler's and even looked on EBay but I haven't found a real Yiddishe drinking cup, preferably one strong enough for piping hot coffee. Does anyone know any on-line site that sells them? ...
2
votes
3answers
272 views

Does the Torah tell us what to eat at the Purim meal? [closed]

Since we know that the Torah instructs us in every aspect of our lives, are there any instructions about what to eat at the Purim meal? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
2
votes
3answers
85 views

Are there reliable Rav Hamchshir for certified pre-owned Hondas? [closed]

In my neighborhood, many of my frum neighbors drive Honda Odysseys. They are a popular minivan esp. for families with lots of kids. I asked someone about her car and what it costs. She said that she ...
2
votes
2answers
239 views

How do we fulfill the positive commandment to be crazy? [closed]

How do we fulfill the positive commandment in Devarim 28:34 which commands us to be crazy: וְהָיִיתָ, מְשֻׁגָּע This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
2
votes
4answers
57 views

Can a person increase in joy before Adar? [closed]

It is written: משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה (When Adar comes we increase in joy) If a person started to get happy on Tu b'Shevat instead, is this permissible b'dieved (after the fact)? What if ...
2
votes
2answers
55 views

Can you give mishloach manos to yourself? [closed]

My friend teaches at a Sunday school, and made mishloach manos with her class last week. One very bright student asked her, "What if there's no one for me to give mishloach manos to? I can't give it ...
2
votes
1answer
68 views

Angels in Bohemia? [closed]

In the morning birchos krias shema‘, in discussing the angels’ song of praise, the text makes an odd digression: וכולם פותחים את פיהם and they all open Pihm (= Bohemia) (See What are the major ...
2
votes
4answers
83 views

What do you do first - light the Chanukia or read the Migillah? [closed]

Let's say you do Tosefet Yom Tov on Chanukah. Some people just add a couple hours, but some people are really-extra-super-Machmir and light till Purim. What do you do first - light your Chanukah ...
2
votes
2answers
196 views

Where is a Leitz supposed to live? [closed]

If it's prohibited to live among Leitzim, what is someone supposed to do if he is a Leitz? Just where exactly is he supposed to live? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
2
votes
2answers
67 views

Love Shalom and Kill Shalom? [closed]

The mishna says in pirkei avos: הוי מתלמידיו של אהרן, אוהב שלום ורודף שלום How is this possible in practice? The minute someone sees you being rodef shalom they'll either injury you or kill you! ...
2
votes
2answers
150 views

Whence “Purim”? [closed]

M'gilas Ester is very clear about the name of the holiday (9:26): עַל כֵּן קָרְאוּ לַיָּמִים הָאֵלֶּה פוּרִים So they called these days F urim Where does the current name of Purim come from? ...
2
votes
1answer
72 views

Whats wrong with a purple female messiah? [closed]

In keeping with the practice of taking half a sentence out of context, and playing with the translation in the name of Purim Torah, I will quote maseches Kilaim, chapter nine, mishna nine. משיחות ...
2
votes
1answer
61 views

Does Bullwinkle visit each shul after davening each Monday morning? [closed]

At the end of every Monday morning davening, I hear the chazan say: "Hu Yenahagenu al moose." - He will make us ride on a moose. Does that mean that Bullwinkle visits the shul each Monday and ...
2
votes
1answer
66 views

Correct way to sing [closed]

Many Jewish songs have a low part and a high part. For example: Acheinu, Ko Amar Hashem Zacharti, Habbet, Baruch Hu Elokeinu... For these songs, my Yesiva is careful to sing the low part twice, the ...
2
votes
1answer
63 views

From what time do we show up for Shabbat lunch? [closed]

We all know the mishna in Se'udot: It once happened that Rabban Zmanliochel's sons were on their way to a Shabbat lunch. They said to him "We have not received instructions on when to come." He ...