THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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6
votes
1answer
68 views

“Peyshar Davar” - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows what the meaning of "a thing" is? פשר דבר - מי יודע?‏ Kohelet 8:1 expresses uncertainty about the meaning of "a thing": ... וּמִ֥י יוֹדֵ֖עַ פֵּ֣שֶׁר דָּבָ֑ר ... ... and who ...
16
votes
3answers
979 views

Is the “Special K” a reliable hechsher? [closed]

Recently, I saw this logo on a package of cereal: I couldn't locate any information on the web about this kosher symbol. Is this hechsher reliable? Who is the head mashgiach? This question is ...
3
votes
1answer
113 views

Was Mordechai upset that Ahashverush purposely hid from the rabbis the fact that drinking was like a religion? [closed]

Esther 1:8 והשתיה כדת אין אנס כי כן יסד המלך על כל רב ביתו "The drinking was like a religion. It was no accident that the king kept it a secret from the rabbis of his household." My understanding ...
6
votes
2answers
131 views

Does Kabalah require us to follow the Atkins Diet? [closed]

During sholas sedudos we say אתקינו סעודתא, a remez to the Atkins Diet. It includes descriptions like "זעיר אנפין" -- make your face smaller (thinner), and even instructions about "וַחֲקַל ...
14
votes
3answers
1k views

Why did the ignorant rabbis have to convert to Judaism? [closed]

Esther 9:17 says: ורבים מעמי הארץ מתיהדים "The ignorant rabbis became Jewish" I thought rabbis are already Jewish, even if they are ignorant! Why did they have to convert? This question is Purim ...
2
votes
1answer
85 views

Angels in Bohemia? [closed]

In the morning birchos krias shema‘, in discussing the angels’ song of praise, the text makes an odd digression: וכולם פותחים את פיהם and they all open Pihm (= Bohemia) (See What are the major ...
3
votes
1answer
142 views

What is the source for this sukkah halacha? [closed]

What is the source that one must ride an elephant to shabbat evening meals served in a sukkah when the sukkah is to the northwest of your house? ...let's assume that Double AA is on-topic. This ...
4
votes
2answers
156 views

Why do we drink wine on Purim? [closed]

Why do people have a custom of drinking davka wine on Purim? After all, the story took place in שושן הבירה - Shushan of Beer (Ester 1:2)! Why do people drink wine instead of beer then? This ...
0
votes
1answer
102 views

What's so strange about Ger Chassidim? [closed]

"Ger" means "stranger". I met many Ger Chassidim. I don't find them strange at all. OK, they wear spodeks instead of shtreimlach. So what? That doesn't make them "strange". I sometimes wear a ...
2
votes
3answers
110 views

Are there reliable Rav Hamchshir for certified pre-owned Hondas? [closed]

In my neighborhood, many of my frum neighbors drive Honda Odysseys. They are a popular minivan esp. for families with lots of kids. I asked someone about her car and what it costs. She said that she ...
0
votes
1answer
101 views

Origin of משלוח מנות [closed]

In which part of the Persian Kingdom did the concept of משלוח מנות originate? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
1
vote
2answers
83 views

Is the name Avner ben Ner “backwards”? [closed]

Avner means "the father of Ner", but Avner's actual father was named just "Ner"! Shouldn't Avner's father have been called "Avner", and the son have been called "Ner"? This question is Purim Torah ...
-1
votes
1answer
121 views

Is the name “Dov Bear” redundant? [closed]

I know several people whose first and second name are "Dov Bear". ""Dov" means "bear" and well, "bear" is a bear! So the person's name is "Bear Bear". Huh??? What's the deal with that? That's like ...
7
votes
4answers
152 views

Who is the fourth father? [closed]

We all know, from when we were little children, that the Jewish people had four mothers and four fathers. The mothers will, of course, be Sarah, Rebeccah, Rachel, and Leah. However, in the fathers ...
5
votes
1answer
95 views

Is there a problem of Kol Isha when Rina is singing in the tents of the righteous? [closed]

Psalms 118:15: ק֤וֹל ׀ רִנָּ֬ה וִֽישׁוּעָ֗ה בְּאָהֳלֵ֥י צַדִּיקִ֑ים The voices of Rina and Yeshu'ah are in the tents of the righteous I can't see a problem with Yeshu'ah ( I know some boys named "...
7
votes
3answers
104 views

What is the hetter to wear earmuffs? [closed]

Looking at all forms of traditionally Jewish hats, from hamburgs to streimuls to fedoras to beibers, and even the kangol cap, it is quite obvious our fathers and our fathers fathers did not want to ...
0
votes
1answer
75 views

If not now, when? [closed]

Gee, am I surprised that AFAIK, no one on M.Y. has ever asked for the answer to this question. In Pirkei Avot 1:14, Hillel says, "If not now, when?" O.K. I'm going to do a test .. I'm giving Hillel ...
0
votes
3answers
98 views

What profit can you get from having a dummy? [closed]

Tehillim 30:10 מַה-בֶּצַע בְּדָמִי What profit is there in a dummy? I don't know ... perhaps this is a dum question? Is there any profit in having a dummy? Dum-de-dum-dum... This question is ...
2
votes
2answers
81 views

Love Shalom and Kill Shalom? [closed]

The mishna says in pirkei avos: הוי מתלמידיו של אהרן, אוהב שלום ורודף שלום How is this possible in practice? The minute someone sees you being rodef shalom they'll either injury you or kill you! ...
5
votes
1answer
79 views

Why couldn't the idols smell their hands or touch their feet? [closed]

In Hallel, Tehillim 115:7-8 it says: אף להם ולא יריחון ידיהם ולא ימישון רגליהם David is discussing the nations that built idols. These people believed that these idols were like human / gods. So, I ...
8
votes
3answers
318 views

Perl Programming in the Torah [closed]

According to Rav xkcd (an oft quoted authority in Bam), the universe was written in perl. Since the Torah is the blueprint of creation, it follows that it must contain a Perl Programming manual. Where ...
4
votes
2answers
301 views

What does family have to do with the bad dog? [closed]

I often here people mention Canine Hara, the bad dog. However, it seems especially common to refer to it when discussing family. For example: I have ten children, Canine Hara. or My ...
5
votes
1answer
100 views

Human sacrifice [closed]

In "Retzei", human sacrifice is clearly mentioned: רְצֵה ה' אֱלהֵינוּ בְּעַמְּךָ יִשרָאֵל וּבִתְפִלָּתָם וְהָשֵׁב אֶת הָעֲבודָה לִדְבִיר בֵּיתֶךָ. וְאִשֵּׁי יִשרָאֵל וּתְפִלָּתָם. בְּאַהֲבָה ...
5
votes
2answers
123 views

Why do the Chassidim require explicit mention? [closed]

In the amidah, the prayer for our welfare includes specific mention of Chassidim, but not of Litvaks, Sefardim, etc.: עַל הַצַּדִּיקִים וְעַל הַחֲסִידִים. וְעַל זִקְנֵי עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשרָאֵל. ...
6
votes
6answers
259 views

7 girls fighting over 1 boy at the Sheva Brachot? [closed]

The last of the Sheva Brachot lists 7 girls: Gila, Rina, Ditza, Chedva, Ahava, Achva, and Re'ut. Shalom is the only boy that was invited. Why couldn't they invite other boys. Don't any of these other ...
-2
votes
1answer
54 views

Is the Kiddush required to be in a separate house / building? [closed]

I noticed that the smell of warming kugel and chulent on Shabbat disturbs people's kavanah during davening. I can tell from these actions: People stare at the announcements handout to see who ...
1
vote
1answer
65 views

Why do we bless only the 10th Rabbi in the community after reading the Megillah? [closed]

The bracha after finishing the Megillah starts: Harav Esri Veinu - The tenth rabbi among us Why bless just the 10th rabbi. Aren't the other 9 as worthy? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
2
votes
2answers
95 views

Does the oven have a nose and more than one eye? [closed]

In the Mishnah, Seder Teharot, Mesechet Calim, in 8:3, talking about an oven, it states: ואין לה גפים, It doesn't have גפים, which K'hati explains to mean היינו אזניים These are ears. And ...
8
votes
2answers
163 views

“Can't argue with that?” Says who? [closed]

There is a famous Jewish adage "על טעם ועל ריח אין להתווכח". However, amazingly, one can find a plethora of disagreements in the Talmud and Halachic works whether reicha lav milsa hi or if ta'am is k'...
3
votes
1answer
67 views

Why can't a Tanna write a get? [closed]

The gemara (Gittin 84b) writes כל התנאין פוסלין בגט All Tannaim invalidate a get (my very own translation) Why is it that a rabbi of the mishna will invalidate a get (divorce document) by ...
5
votes
3answers
104 views

Do we know if this is really Queen Esther's Village? [closed]

While I was driving today (at this location), I was surprised to happen upon: Is there any evidence in the megillah or any other part of our mesorah that this is indeed the village that Queen ...
8
votes
2answers
347 views

Why do we drink wine on Shabbat? [closed]

Why do we drink wine on Shabbat when it's stated in the Kiddush (כִּי הוּא יוֹם תְּחִלָּה) that this is a day of tequila? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
-1
votes
1answer
64 views

Can Succah schach be used to make sushi that I will eat on Shabbat? [closed]

I noticed that the bamboo mat used to roll sushi is the same shape and material as the huge mats used for the succah. I know that there is a general rule that items used for kedushah - holy purposes ...
8
votes
2answers
2k views

I poured Starbucks Milk Chocolate Latte into my chicken soup. Shouldn't it still be kosher, even if it wasn't so much soup? [closed]

This week I was cooking my favorite meat soup when accidentally my Starbucks Milk Chocolate Latte tipped into the pot. At first it was just a little drip, but I lost the handle on the cup and ...
-1
votes
1answer
126 views

Man using a woman's siddur [closed]

If a guy were to daven using the Artscroll women's siddur, would that be considered a violation of the prohibition of beged isha? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
7
votes
2answers
291 views

Which shots are we reviewing at least twice daily in shul? [closed]

At least twice every day, each shul has someone who says chazarat hashat"z - he is reviewing the shots. Which shots need to be reviewed? G-d forbid - did someone shoot people in the shul? Is a doctor ...
2
votes
0answers
48 views

Is Kenny Ratzon a Kohen? [closed]

Each time the chazzan recites a verse from Birkat Kohanim near the end of Chazarat Hashat"z, I hear the congregation yelling "Kenny Ratzon". Who is he? Is he a Kohen? This question is Purim Torah and ...
2
votes
1answer
95 views

Whats wrong with a purple female messiah? [closed]

In keeping with the practice of taking half a sentence out of context, and playing with the translation in the name of Purim Torah, I will quote maseches Kilaim, chapter nine, mishna nine. משיחות ...
2
votes
1answer
71 views

Does Bullwinkle visit each shul after davening each Monday morning? [closed]

At the end of every Monday morning davening, I hear the chazan say: "Hu Yenahagenu al moose." - He will make us ride on a moose. Does that mean that Bullwinkle visits the shul each Monday and ...
2
votes
4answers
114 views

What do you do first - light the Chanukia or read the Migillah? [closed]

Let's say you do Tosefet Yom Tov on Chanukah. Some people just add a couple hours, but some people are really-extra-super-Machmir and light till Purim. What do you do first - light your Chanukah ...
3
votes
2answers
96 views

How to observe shiluach haken on Twitter [closed]

Shiluach Haken is the commandment of sending away a mother bird before taking her eggs/chicks. Now, being that Twitter is like a bird (see their logo), how can/should shiluach haken be achieved while ...
4
votes
3answers
190 views

What did the brave shul men die from? [closed]

A plaque in the back of my shul says: "This plaque is in memory of all the brave men that died during service." It seems that these men died during the middle of davening or something. What did they ...
12
votes
2answers
175 views

Has anyone invented a cure for Yahrtzeit? [closed]

A few days ago, while in shul, I asked my friend if he wanted to meet me for bowling at 5 P.M. He said, "I can't because I have yahrtzeit." It sounded like a serious sickness, like "I have a cold", ...
13
votes
6answers
2k views

Who is this Lamar? [closed]

I recently wished the Bam community a happy Rosh Chodesh, and Isaac responded (or at least attempted to respond - he seemed to have begun his Purim festivities early) with: וכן למר Also Lamar!...
6
votes
4answers
91 views

Matzah and Maror: With Garlic? [closed]

During the Seder, near the end of the maggid, we learn about the manner in which the Korban Pesach, the matzah, and the maror were consumed. In reference to the latter two, the haggadah reads: ?...
5
votes
3answers
93 views

Negative Attitude Towards Enlightenment [closed]

Why do Jewish sources often refer to the Enlightenment movement negatively, if membership in the movement is a Biblical obligation as in Psalms (41:2) אַשְׁרֵי מַשְׂכִּיל "Praiseworthy is the Maskil"? ...
5
votes
1answer
63 views

Doesn't the Yetzer Hora have a huge advantage over the Yetzer Tov? [closed]

Seeing as the Yetzer Tov loves Mitzvos, we can safely assume that he only uses a Kosher phone to aid him in the fight against the Yetzer Hora. But the Yetzer Hora himself has the latest smartphone ...
1
vote
1answer
116 views

My current reputation is 666. Am I over on Machashefah Lo tichayah? [closed]

I just noticed that my reputation is standing at 666. Does this number have the same demonic connotations in Judaism that it does in Christianity? And if so, am I potentially violating issurim ...
2
votes
1answer
73 views

Correct way to sing [closed]

Many Jewish songs have a low part and a high part. For example: Acheinu, Ko Amar Hashem Zacharti, Habbet, Baruch Hu Elokeinu... For these songs, my Yesiva is careful to sing the low part twice, the ...
7
votes
5answers
468 views

Who is meant by Auntie Malka in friday night Zemiros? [closed]

When eating recently by a chassidish family, I noticed they sang Friday night the words: אנת הוא מלכא - 'Auntie Malka' Can anyone shed some light on who this special Aunt was and what she is doing ...