THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. Purim Torah is a term used to describe humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim.

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10
votes
4answers
334 views

Why don't Jews accept Our Lord and Savior? [closed]

Why don't Jews believe the Messiah has come? It's clear from all the Scriptures that He has come! We should all believe in Him! As it is written (Isaiah 53) But he was wounded for our ...
10
votes
6answers
153 views

What did “נ ג ה פ” stand for before the miracle? [closed]

As is well known, the reason we play dreidel on Hanukkah is this: Before the miracle of Hanukkah, when the gentiles who controlled the land severely restricted Torah study, Jewish children would ...
6
votes
0answers
56 views

Why would someone offer an Asheira to Hashem? [closed]

There's a verse in Tehillim which says "Asheira LaHashem Ki Gamal Alai". Just because there's a camel on me I'm going to burn an Avoda Zara as a sacrifice? Moreover, when I think it was Gidon did ...
3
votes
1answer
70 views

What is Leibush Up To [closed]

The verse in Proverbs (19:21) states regarding Leibush: רבות מחשבות בלביש ועצת ה' היא תקום "Many thoughts are in Leibush, but God's plan will prevail". Who is Leibush and what is he planning? ...
8
votes
6answers
144 views

Why did Rabba have to get up to kill Rabi Zeira? [closed]

The gemara in Megila 7b says קם רבה שחטיה לרבי זירא Rabbah got up and killed Rabi Zeira. Why did he need to get up? Rabi Zeira was a short man, as we see in the bottom of Bava Metzia 85a קטין חריך ...
4
votes
4answers
44 views

Gzeira Shava by Purim II [closed]

We know that the Gemara (maseches smachos probably) darshens hilchos Yom Kippur from Purim כתיב הכא אך בעשור לחדש השביעי הזה יום הכפרים הוא וכתיב התם על כן קראו לימים האלה פורים מה להלן במשתה ...
3
votes
3answers
137 views

How does one who can hold his liquor afflict himself on Purim? [closed]

According to the answers to this question, one is obligated to afflict himself on Purim. The achroynim say that one fulfills this obligation by getting drunk. However, the true affliction only occurs ...
3
votes
4answers
72 views

Gzeira Shava By Purim [closed]

We know that the Gemara darshens the laws of Purim from Yom Kippur. If so why are we not obligated to fast on Purim? יליף פורים פורים מיום הכפורים This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
0
votes
2answers
55 views

Hilchot Chol HaMuad [closed]

In some Mediterranean communities, there is a custom of having weeks called Chol HaMuad. What are the halachot for these times? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
2
votes
4answers
58 views

Can a person increase in joy before Adar? [closed]

It is written: משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה (When Adar comes we increase in joy) If a person started to get happy on Tu b'Shevat instead, is this permissible b'dieved (after the fact)? What if ...
4
votes
4answers
66 views

Which grandfathers was King David afraid of? [closed]

Tehillim 19:14 says: גם מזדים, חשוך עבדך-- אל-ימשלו-בי אז איתם Also from zeidis keep your servant away, let them not rule over me Who were these grandfathers who wanted to rule over King ...
6
votes
1answer
125 views

Graciously accepting gifts [closed]

I delivered Shalach Manos today to a number of people. Much to my dismay, everyone accepted them graciously and gratefully, and not a single person expressed how disappointed they were with my gifts. ...
8
votes
2answers
184 views

whats the diffrence [closed]

Whits teh difference btween arur hAman and Baruch mosses? -- This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy
5
votes
3answers
139 views

What are the two prohibitions, and why thank God after being bound by them? [closed]

It's well known that there are four main categories of persons who offer a korban toda (or say hagomel) to thank God, one of which is מי שהיה חבוש בב׳ האיסורים, someone who was bound by the two ...
5
votes
3answers
1k views

From Whence do we derive that Jews must span the political spectrum? [closed]

Is there any source for Am Yisrael spanning the gamut of the political spectrum, seeing as we have produced political leaders Left, Right, and Centre. This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
15
votes
2answers
307 views

Laws of yichud in the Soviet Union [closed]

In Soviet Union, is there heter for man and woman to seclude in same room if there is chazaka that KGB is watching? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
3
votes
3answers
214 views

The hashkafa of atheism and mitzvot d'rabbonon? [closed]

An atheist told me that rather than being the Word of God, the Torah and the Mitzvot were actually concocted by the Rabbis and therefore they are not binding. According to his own admission, all ...
11
votes
4answers
3k views

Why do we not shower every night? [closed]

The Gemara in Megillah 7b is clear: חייב איניש לבסומי בפוריא A person must smell good in bed However, I have seen that people are not careful about this. In fact, I have known some Yeshiva ...
10
votes
4answers
266 views

Announcing the clock change in English? [closed]

It is well-known that the age-old, widespread, and correct practice is to announce the molad on the Shabbat preceding Rosh Chodesh specifically in the holy language of Yiddish. In contrast to this, in ...
12
votes
5answers
1k views

Neder to not eat pizza [closed]

If I make a vow to not eat pizza, what can I not eat? On the one hand, it would seem that bread with sauce and cheese on it is called pizza, as that is what they give you in a pizza shop when you ...
2
votes
2answers
243 views

How do we fulfill the positive commandment to be crazy? [closed]

How do we fulfill the positive commandment in Devarim 28:34 which commands us to be crazy: וְהָיִיתָ, מְשֻׁגָּע This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
9
votes
4answers
445 views

Why don't we celebrate Ben Drusai's Yahrtzeit? [closed]

Ben Drusai was one of the most influential figures in the history of halacha. His minimal contributions to the talmud grew over the years to entire sections of hilchos shabbos and there are even ...
3
votes
1answer
142 views

How could Pharaoh bring sacrifices? [closed]

The Torah teaches us that Pharaoh brought korbanos (Shemos 14:10) ופרעה הקריב Pharaoh offered sacrifices It is not clear what sacrifices Pharaoh brought, however the Torah tells us a ...
4
votes
1answer
112 views

How do I know what to take Challah from? [closed]

Tosefos in Pesachim 37b writes: חיוב חלה הוי משעת גלגול The obligation of Challah comes at the point of reincarnation If I don't know who I am a reincarnation of, how do I know which dough ...
5
votes
3answers
281 views

Is Cholent DeOraitha or DeRabbanan? [closed]

As definitively proven by an 'Am HaAretz Gamur MiDeOraitha (a title of high distinction if ever there was one), eating Cholent on Shabbath is required. Every week. Without exception. But is this ...
5
votes
3answers
389 views

Why was David not afraid of the myriads he bought a round for? [closed]

Psalm 3 is a hopeful psalm. David starts by noting that great and powerful people have persecuted him, including his own son, Absalom. Then he expresses his hopeful trust that God will deliver him ...
3
votes
1answer
73 views

חזרה שבועה לסיני [closed]

The gemara states explicitly (Bava Metzia 3a) תני רבי חייא מנה לי בידך Rabbi Chiya teaches: "You owe me 100 zuz." I showed this gemara to my chavrusa and told him that I expected to be paid in ...
6
votes
2answers
207 views

Contradiction about the use of manure [closed]

Manuela Zoninsein writes for the Green Zionist Alliance about the value of tikkun olam — the Jewish commitment to repairing the world.… Today, part of repairing the world means ...
2
votes
3answers
278 views

Does the Torah tell us what to eat at the Purim meal? [closed]

Since we know that the Torah instructs us in every aspect of our lives, are there any instructions about what to eat at the Purim meal? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
17
votes
1answer
424 views

What are the consequences of Vashti’s dual nature? [closed]

In Esther 1:9 we read, “ושתי המלכה עשתה משתי נשים” Vashti the queen was made of two women. Aside from being biologically surprising, what are the consequences of this in our understanding of the ...
2
votes
2answers
155 views

Whence “Purim”? [closed]

M'gilas Ester is very clear about the name of the holiday (9:26): עַל כֵּן קָרְאוּ לַיָּמִים הָאֵלֶּה פוּרִים So they called these days F urim Where does the current name of Purim come from? ...
6
votes
3answers
278 views

Why does it matter that Mordechai was right-handed? [closed]

In Esther 2:5, it says אִישׁ יְהוּדִי, הָיָה בְּשׁוּשַׁן הַבִּירָה; וּשְׁמוֹ מָרְדֳּכַי, בֶּן יָאִיר בֶּן-שִׁמְעִי בֶּן-קִישׁ--אִישׁ יְמִינִי There was a certain Jew in Shushan the castle, ...
2
votes
1answer
119 views

Are folded Hamentaschen Yotzei the three corners? [closed]

If I cut circles of dough with the intention of folding the edges into three corners, am I Yotzei the Mitzvah of Hamentaschen? As far as I know, this is the standard way of making Hamentaschen these ...
2
votes
2answers
196 views

Where is a Leitz supposed to live? [closed]

If it's prohibited to live among Leitzim, what is someone supposed to do if he is a Leitz? Just where exactly is he supposed to live? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
9
votes
2answers
175 views

Why did David only seem to prohibit a Moshav Leitzim? [closed]

This question mentions the prohibition against living in a Moshav Leitzim. My question is, what about a Yishuv Leitzim or a Kibbutz Leitzim or a Kfar Leitzim? How could David have been so ambiguous? ...
3
votes
0answers
197 views

What’s Doctor Who doing in the Talmud? [closed]

Among the early amoraim is ר׳ יוחנן נפחא (Rabbi Yochanan Nafcha), brother-in-law to the amora Resh Lakish. His name translates as John Smith; cf. Wikipedia and Morfix. This obviously refers to the ...
6
votes
0answers
157 views

Reading the Megillah on Friday [closed]

I accidentally read the Megillah tonight for my shul since last year, I could have sworn, that we read the Megillah right after the fast. Yet, the Rav of the Shul returned from a business trip after ...
9
votes
2answers
358 views

Are our moderators legal? [closed]

We know there is a famous Drash of "Som Tasim Alecha Melech". From here we have several Diyukim: Melech velo Malka - How do we have a woman mod? Melech (singular) - we can only have one mod. How do ...
4
votes
2answers
173 views

Can I walk out of class? [closed]

If I am in a class where the teacher asks "illegal questions" (an "Ein Lomar"), what must I do? If I stay, I would now have those questions - very bedieved. If I close my ears I would have violated ...
3
votes
2answers
158 views

Is there a prohibition to live in a Moshav? [closed]

Tehilim says that Dovid didn't sit in a moshav leitzim (implying that we shouldn't either). Is living in another moshav prohibited as "Chatzi Shiur"? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
1
vote
1answer
154 views

Why do we sing Mi Shenichnas Adar to the tune of “Pick a bale of cotton”? [closed]

Of all tunes available in the world, why do we choose a "worker's" song? A song composed by slaves as they served their masters? Why not something more uplifting? This question is Purim Torah and ...
1
vote
2answers
263 views

Why do people drink expensive alcohol on purim? [closed]

The main point of drinking on purim is to be drunk. So why did the Rabbis establish the requirement to drink wine? Vodka gets one there faster and cheaper, so it should be preferable to drink it, as ...
1
vote
3answers
195 views

Why does the Megilla assume the listeners are hard of hearing? [closed]

The Megilla starts, Narrator: And it was in the days of Achasverosh Audience: Who? Narrator: Achasverosh Why does the Megilla assume that the people listening are hard of hearing? ...
5
votes
2answers
152 views

How do I make my Adars the same? [closed]

The mishnah (Megillah 1:4) tells us: אֵין בֵּין אַדָּר הָרִאשׁוֹן לַאֲדָר הַשֵּׁנִי אֶלָּא קְרִיאַת הַמְּגִלָּה וּמַתָּנוֹת לָאֶבְיוֹנִים There is no difference between the Adar I and Adar II ...
2
votes
1answer
93 views

How should I choose a Muktzah Klaf? [closed]

(Not to be confused with this question.) I recently moved, and all my Klafim got mixed up. I have some for Mezuzoth, some for Tefillin, and some for Sifrei Torah. It just so happens that I was ...
6
votes
2answers
117 views

Shmuel on Bava Basra 90a [closed]

‫ והמשתכר אל ישתכר יותר משתות (בבא בתרא 90A)‬ "One who gets drunk may not get drunk past a sixth." I have seen four shittos to explain this ruling which is brought l'halacha in ...
4
votes
4answers
229 views

ואם תאמר— but what if we didn't say anything? [closed]

When Tosafos or other Rishonim introduce a question with the phrase "and if it were said" (my translation) do they mean to imply that the question is b'dieved and everything would make more sense if ...
10
votes
4answers
229 views

Mi Yodeya min HaTorah minayin? [closed]

In the spirit of Talmud Bavli Chullin 139b. The Talmud assumes that great future events are hinted to in the Torah. Well in that case... Mi Yodeya min HaTorah minayin (where is Mi Yodeya hinted at in ...
4
votes
1answer
133 views

Some narrative difficulties related to the Midrash that identifies Haman with a previously-named character [closed]

If I recall correctly, there's a Midrash that, consistent with the "rule of conservation of Biblical personalities", identifies Haman with one of the people who shows up in the first two chapters of ...
5
votes
5answers
244 views

On the qualifications to be queen of Persia [closed]

In the first chapter of Ester, Achashverosh is advised that his queen, Vashti, be removed from her position ‏…וּמַלְכוּתָהּ יִתֵּן הַמֶּלֶךְ לִרְעוּתָהּ הַטּוֹבָה מִמֶּנָּה. וְנִשְׁמַע ...