THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. Purim Torah is a term used to describe humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim.

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1
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2answers
78 views

Does the oven have a nose and more than one eye?

In the Mishnah, Seder Teharot, Mesechet Calim, in 8:3, talking about an oven, it states: ואין לה גפים, It doesn't have גפים, which K'hati explains to mean היינו אזניים These are ears. And ...
8
votes
2answers
106 views

“Can't argue with that?” Says who?

There is a famous Jewish adage "על טעם ועל ריח אין להתווכח". However, amazingly, one can find a plethora of disagreements in the Talmud and Halachic works whether reicha lav milsa hi or if ta'am is ...
3
votes
1answer
46 views

Why can't a Tanna write a get?

The gemara (Gittin 84b) writes כל התנאין פוסלין בגט All Tannaim invalidate a get (my very own translation) Why is it that a rabbi of the mishna will invalidate a get (divorce document) by ...
5
votes
3answers
88 views

Do we know if this is really Queen Esther's Village?

While I was driving today (at this location), I was surprised to happen upon: Is there any evidence in the megillah or any other part of our mesorah that this is indeed the village that Queen ...
8
votes
2answers
276 views

Why do we drink wine on Shabbat?

Why do we drink wine on Shabbat when it's stated in the Kiddush (כִּי הוּא יוֹם תְּחִלָּה) that this is a day of tequila? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
-2
votes
0answers
58 views

Was the slogan on Kesser Wine violating “Lifnei Iver” - placing a stumbling block before the blind? [closed]

Until 1981, Kesser Wines was made in Crown Heights. I found a bottle while I was cleaning out my in-laws closet. The slogan on Kesser wine says, "Made on the west end of Long Island". The term "Long ...
-2
votes
1answer
35 views

Can Succah schach be used to make sushi that I will eat on Shabbat?

I noticed that the bamboo mat used to roll sushi is the same shape and material as the huge mats used for the succah. I know that there is a general rule that items used for kedushah - holy purposes ...
7
votes
2answers
2k views

I poured Starbucks Milk Chocolate Latte into my chicken soup. Shouldn't it still be kosher, even if it wasn't so much soup?

This week I was cooking my favorite meat soup when accidentally my Starbucks Milk Chocolate Latte tipped into the pot. At first it was just a little drip, but I lost the handle on the cup and ...
-1
votes
1answer
62 views

Is there any halacha that would prohibit diving into a mikvah? [closed]

In honor of the summer Olympics that will occur in 2016, my frum community is considering having its own Jewish Olympics that will feature a few unique Jewish competitions. One of them will be the ...
-1
votes
1answer
90 views

Man using a woman's siddur

If a guy were to daven using the Artscroll women's siddur, would that be considered a violation of the prohibition of beged isha? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
7
votes
2answers
270 views

Which shots are we reviewing at least twice daily in shul?

At least twice every day, each shul has someone who says chazarat hashat"z - he is reviewing the shots. Which shots need to be reviewed? G-d forbid - did someone shoot people in the shul? Is a doctor ...
2
votes
0answers
40 views

Is Kenny Ratzon a Kohen?

Each time the chazzan recites a verse from Birkat Kohanim near the end of Chazarat Hashat"z, I hear the congregation yelling "Kenny Ratzon". Who is he? Is he a Kohen? This question is Purim Torah and ...
2
votes
1answer
70 views

Whats wrong with a purple female messiah?

In keeping with the practice of taking half a sentence out of context, and playing with the translation in the name of Purim Torah, I will quote maseches Kilaim, chapter nine, mishna nine. משיחות ...
2
votes
1answer
56 views

Does Bullwinkle visit each shul after davening each Monday morning?

At the end of every Monday morning davening, I hear the chazan say: "Hu Yenahagenu al moose." - He will make us ride on a moose. Does that mean that Bullwinkle visits the shul each Monday and ...
2
votes
4answers
82 views

What do you do first - light the Chanukia or read the Migillah?

Let's say you do Tosefet Yom Tov on Chanukah. Some people just add a couple hours, but some people are really-extra-super-Machmir and light till Purim. What do you do first - light your Chanukah ...
0
votes
1answer
67 views

What do we have against Aleinu?

Whenever I hear someone saying something bad to someone else (like "You heard, Shprintzy, someone opened up competition to R' Itzik's Mi Yodea.", gasp, "Lo Aleinu"). Why shouldn't Aleinu? This ...
1
vote
2answers
71 views

How to observe shiluach haken on Twitter

Shiluach Haken is the commandment of sending away a mother bird before taking her eggs/chicks. Now, being that Twitter is like a bird (see their logo), how can/should shiluach haken be achieved while ...
2
votes
3answers
162 views

What did the brave shul men die from?

A plaque in the back of my shul says: "This plaque is in memory of all the brave men that died during service." It seems that these men died during the middle of davening or something. What did they ...
12
votes
2answers
143 views

Has anyone invented a cure for Yahrtzeit?

A few days ago, while in shul, I asked my friend if he wanted to meet me for bowling at 5 P.M. He said, "I can't because I have yahrtzeit." It sounded like a serious sickness, like "I have a cold", ...
-2
votes
0answers
51 views

Who took Rabbeinu Tam's tefillin and why? [closed]

A large poster in my neighborhood, some time ago said: "If anyone has seen Rabbeinu Tam' s tefillin, please return it to him. He has been looking for it for over 72 minutes." So, who took his ...
1
vote
0answers
50 views

Dr. Bronner's Soap in the bathroom

Let's hope this question will be a tikkun for thinking about Purim Torah in the bathroom. And, for that matter, for having Dr. Bronner's soap in the bathroom. It's great soap. But there may be Torah ...
11
votes
6answers
2k views

Who is this Lamar?

I recently wished the Bam community a happy Rosh Chodesh, and Isaac responded (or at least attempted to respond - he seemed to have begun his Purim festivities early) with: וכן למר Also ...
6
votes
4answers
65 views

Matzah and Maror: With Garlic?

During the Seder, near the end of the maggid, we learn about the manner in which the Korban Pesach, the matzah, and the maror were consumed. In reference to the latter two, the haggadah reads: ...
5
votes
3answers
72 views

Negative Attitude Towards Enlightenment

Why do Jewish sources often refer to the Enlightenment movement negatively, if membership in the movement is a Biblical obligation as in Psalms (41:2) אַשְׁרֵי מַשְׂכִּיל "Praiseworthy is the Maskil"? ...
5
votes
1answer
53 views

Doesn't the Yetzer Hora have a huge advantage over the Yetzer Tov?

Seeing as the Yetzer Tov loves Mitzvos, we can safely assume that he only uses a Kosher phone to aid him in the fight against the Yetzer Hora. But the Yetzer Hora himself has the latest smartphone ...
1
vote
1answer
88 views

My current reputation is 666. Am I over on Machashefah Lo tichayah?

I just noticed that my reputation is standing at 666. Does this number have the same demonic connotations in Judaism that it does in Christianity? And if so, am I potentially violating issurim ...
2
votes
1answer
65 views

Correct way to sing

Many Jewish songs have a low part and a high part. For example: Acheinu, Ko Amar Hashem Zacharti, Habbet, Baruch Hu Elokeinu... For these songs, my Yesiva is careful to sing the low part twice, the ...
7
votes
5answers
427 views

Who is meant by Auntie Malka in friday night Zemiros?

When eating recently by a chassidish family, I noticed they sang Friday night the words: אנת הוא מלכא - 'Auntie Malka' Can anyone shed some light on who this special Aunt was and what she is doing ...
4
votes
2answers
63 views

What do we do to celebrate the happiest day of the year?

The Talmud in Taanis 29a says: משנכנס אב ממעטין בשמחה From when Av enters we reduce our happiness and משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה From when Adar enters we increase our happiness ...
-4
votes
1answer
85 views

Why did Shlomo Marry His Sister

In several places in Shir HaShirim Shlomo references his love affair with his sister (e.g. 4:9, 4:10, 4:12, 5:1, 5:2). Why did he pursue this relationship? Was this some application of "Assei Doche ...
0
votes
0answers
44 views

Possible Real Live קויצת הדרך?

I was perusing an sefer by הגאון הנביא רב פרנק הרברט זצוק״ל. In it he records an obscure prophesy from ספר דון which esoterically discusses משיח ובשמים in the מדבר. While the language is dense, I was ...
0
votes
2answers
89 views

Considering inflation since 1967, how much would that gorilla in the window cost, now?

In 1967, O.G., a little girl, bought Magilla Gorilla for two cents. The name for this cartoon character, according to Wikipedia: In Yiddish, a "megillah" is a long tedious or embroidered account, ...
3
votes
1answer
73 views

If a lamb gets lost in a flax field, does it become shatnez?

What do Sha'ul Hamelech (before he was king) and Little Bo Peep have in common? Their sheep got lost. If their, or someone's sheep got lost in a flax field, and rolled around or ate some of the flax, ...
4
votes
0answers
56 views

Source For Different Streams of Judaism

How loyal have Chassidim, Charedim, and Tzionim been to their source texts, Sefer Chassidim, Sefer Charedim, and Sefer Hatzioni, respectively? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be ...
20
votes
6answers
3k views

How should a werewolf celebrate Pesach?

Werewolves are known for their transformation at the full moon. Unfortunately, for Jewish werewolves, this poses problems with holidays such as Pesach, Sukkot, (Shushan Purim, Pesach Sheini, Tu ...
5
votes
1answer
98 views

Can Frankenstein's Golem wear women's clothing on Purim?

We know that Rebbe Victor Frankenstein created a golem (the English called it a monster) during the 18th century. Since Frankenstein was Jewish, I've been wondering about the halakhot that apply to ...
17
votes
10answers
8k views

What is the Torah preferred brand of cell phone?

I have heard of Kosher phones. What do the classic sources (preferably Rishonim or earlier) say about the preferred type and brand of cell phone? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended ...
13
votes
4answers
3k views

Is the Torah in the public domain? (If not, what license is it?)

The public domain is, put simply, a collection of works that can be used by anyone, that are not copyrighted. Is the Torah in the public domain? If not, how can we be printing and copyrighting it? ...
8
votes
3answers
280 views

What is the text of kiddush for Purim night?

My Otzar Hatiflus siddur only has the Kiddush for Purim day. What is the text of Kiddush for Purim night, and how does one incorporate havdala when Purim begins on Motzai Shabbat? This question is ...
13
votes
3answers
1k views

Is a diamond (♦) part of a moderator's name?

Assuming that moderators are on-topic; how are they called up for an aliyah? Is the diamond mentioned? It's been discussed before elsewhere on the network, though with an appalling lack of Jewish ...
10
votes
3answers
137 views

Contract law and Dragons

There was a certain schul that I hate and I rented a dragon to devour the rabbi and the congregants. When the dragon returned from its reign of terror, I find out that it didn't eat all the people, ...
1
vote
2answers
74 views

Domo Rigato - in what way?

A popular yiddishe song incorporates the following refrain: "Domo Rigato, Mister Roboto!" Now, the correct pronunciation of the second word is actually "arigato." This means the famous refrain ...
11
votes
2answers
101 views

Lo Yecheratz Kelev Lishono - What about other animals?

Rashi points out that because the dogs did not bark when the Jews left Egypt, they were rewarded with the basar neveilah. Since they were uniquely rewarded, this implies that all the other animals ...
5
votes
3answers
115 views

Should we eat Persian food, Indian food or Ethiopian food for Purim Se'udah?

The beginning of the Megillah mentions that Ahashverush ruled from Hodu - India until Kush - Ethiopia. But, the palace was in Persia. So to best honor Purim what type of cuisine would be most ...
1
vote
1answer
64 views

How do we know that the Megillah reader in shul must accommodate a cheresh?

The Shulchan Aruch says that a "cherish" is exempt from the mitzvah of hearing the Megillah. My deaf son was surprised to read this statement, and he feels sorely left out of enjoying a beautiful ...
0
votes
1answer
82 views

How is Hashem similar to Mi Yodeya

We have a famous song called Echad Mi Yodeya and a famous prayer "Hashem Echad". From here we have a Hekesh of Hashem to Mi Yodeya. What do we learn from this Hekesh? This question is Purim Torah ...
3
votes
5answers
111 views

Are there any situations historically, where people are named after names of Tefillot?

I know some people who were named after various tefillot: Asher Yatzar Annie Zemiros Roz Sodecha Billy Reishis Billy Tachlis Moe Dim Al Coulomb (He's an electrician) Does the Talmud or any other ...
2
votes
4answers
97 views

Are there any Judaic on-line stores that sell Yiddishe cups?

I've checked Eichler's and even looked on EBay but I haven't found a real Yiddishe drinking cup, preferably one strong enough for piping hot coffee. Does anyone know any on-line site that sells them? ...
16
votes
2answers
285 views

Why did I become queen?

I'm Ester from the Purim story. My uncle Mordechai advised me to ask here on Mi Yodeya why Hashem made me queen of Persia, as it says: וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת So, ...
3
votes
2answers
109 views

Why Didnt Jacob Shave His Beard

The verse states (Gen 48:10) ועיני ישראל כבדו מזקן לא יוכל לראות "And Israel's eyes were weakened (i.e. obstructed) by his beard, so he couldn't see". If his beard was obstructing his vision, why ...