THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. Purim Torah is a term used to describe humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim.

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-1
votes
1answer
101 views

Man using a woman's siddur [closed]

If a guy were to daven using the Artscroll women's siddur, would that be considered a violation of the prohibition of beged isha? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
7
votes
2answers
273 views

Which shots are we reviewing at least twice daily in shul? [closed]

At least twice every day, each shul has someone who says chazarat hashat"z - he is reviewing the shots. Which shots need to be reviewed? G-d forbid - did someone shoot people in the shul? Is a doctor ...
2
votes
0answers
41 views

Is Kenny Ratzon a Kohen? [closed]

Each time the chazzan recites a verse from Birkat Kohanim near the end of Chazarat Hashat"z, I hear the congregation yelling "Kenny Ratzon". Who is he? Is he a Kohen? This question is Purim Torah and ...
2
votes
1answer
76 views

Whats wrong with a purple female messiah? [closed]

In keeping with the practice of taking half a sentence out of context, and playing with the translation in the name of Purim Torah, I will quote maseches Kilaim, chapter nine, mishna nine. משיחות ...
2
votes
1answer
61 views

Does Bullwinkle visit each shul after davening each Monday morning? [closed]

At the end of every Monday morning davening, I hear the chazan say: "Hu Yenahagenu al moose." - He will make us ride on a moose. Does that mean that Bullwinkle visits the shul each Monday and ...
2
votes
4answers
85 views

What do you do first - light the Chanukia or read the Migillah? [closed]

Let's say you do Tosefet Yom Tov on Chanukah. Some people just add a couple hours, but some people are really-extra-super-Machmir and light till Purim. What do you do first - light your Chanukah ...
3
votes
2answers
77 views

How to observe shiluach haken on Twitter [closed]

Shiluach Haken is the commandment of sending away a mother bird before taking her eggs/chicks. Now, being that Twitter is like a bird (see their logo), how can/should shiluach haken be achieved while ...
3
votes
3answers
168 views

What did the brave shul men die from? [closed]

A plaque in the back of my shul says: "This plaque is in memory of all the brave men that died during service." It seems that these men died during the middle of davening or something. What did they ...
12
votes
2answers
149 views

Has anyone invented a cure for Yahrtzeit? [closed]

A few days ago, while in shul, I asked my friend if he wanted to meet me for bowling at 5 P.M. He said, "I can't because I have yahrtzeit." It sounded like a serious sickness, like "I have a cold", ...
11
votes
6answers
2k views

Who is this Lamar? [closed]

I recently wished the Bam community a happy Rosh Chodesh, and Isaac responded (or at least attempted to respond - he seemed to have begun his Purim festivities early) with: וכן למר Also ...
6
votes
4answers
77 views

Matzah and Maror: With Garlic? [closed]

During the Seder, near the end of the maggid, we learn about the manner in which the Korban Pesach, the matzah, and the maror were consumed. In reference to the latter two, the haggadah reads: ...
5
votes
3answers
82 views

Negative Attitude Towards Enlightenment [closed]

Why do Jewish sources often refer to the Enlightenment movement negatively, if membership in the movement is a Biblical obligation as in Psalms (41:2) אַשְׁרֵי מַשְׂכִּיל "Praiseworthy is the Maskil"? ...
5
votes
1answer
56 views

Doesn't the Yetzer Hora have a huge advantage over the Yetzer Tov? [closed]

Seeing as the Yetzer Tov loves Mitzvos, we can safely assume that he only uses a Kosher phone to aid him in the fight against the Yetzer Hora. But the Yetzer Hora himself has the latest smartphone ...
1
vote
1answer
95 views

My current reputation is 666. Am I over on Machashefah Lo tichayah? [closed]

I just noticed that my reputation is standing at 666. Does this number have the same demonic connotations in Judaism that it does in Christianity? And if so, am I potentially violating issurim ...
2
votes
1answer
67 views

Correct way to sing [closed]

Many Jewish songs have a low part and a high part. For example: Acheinu, Ko Amar Hashem Zacharti, Habbet, Baruch Hu Elokeinu... For these songs, my Yesiva is careful to sing the low part twice, the ...
7
votes
5answers
437 views

Who is meant by Auntie Malka in friday night Zemiros? [closed]

When eating recently by a chassidish family, I noticed they sang Friday night the words: אנת הוא מלכא - 'Auntie Malka' Can anyone shed some light on who this special Aunt was and what she is doing ...
4
votes
2answers
67 views

What do we do to celebrate the happiest day of the year? [closed]

The Talmud in Taanis 29a says: משנכנס אב ממעטין בשמחה From when Av enters we reduce our happiness and משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה From when Adar enters we increase our happiness ...
0
votes
2answers
98 views

Considering inflation since 1967, how much would that gorilla in the window cost, now? [closed]

In 1967, O.G., a little girl, bought Magilla Gorilla for two cents. The name for this cartoon character, according to Wikipedia: In Yiddish, a "megillah" is a long tedious or embroidered account, ...
3
votes
1answer
78 views

If a lamb gets lost in a flax field, does it become shatnez? [closed]

What do Sha'ul Hamelech (before he was king) and Little Bo Peep have in common? Their sheep got lost. If their, or someone's sheep got lost in a flax field, and rolled around or ate some of the flax, ...
4
votes
0answers
59 views

Source For Different Streams of Judaism [closed]

How loyal have Chassidim, Charedim, and Tzionim been to their source texts, Sefer Chassidim, Sefer Charedim, and Sefer Hatzioni, respectively? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be ...
19
votes
6answers
3k views

How should a werewolf celebrate Pesach? [closed]

Werewolves are known for their transformation at the full moon. Unfortunately, for Jewish werewolves, this poses problems with holidays such as Pesach, Sukkot, (Shushan Purim, Pesach Sheini, Tu ...
5
votes
1answer
108 views

Can Frankenstein's Golem wear women's clothing on Purim? [closed]

We know that Rebbe Victor Frankenstein created a golem (the English called it a monster) during the 18th century. Since Frankenstein was Jewish, I've been wondering about the halakhot that apply to ...
17
votes
10answers
8k views

What is the Torah preferred brand of cell phone? [closed]

I have heard of Kosher phones. What do the classic sources (preferably Rishonim or earlier) say about the preferred type and brand of cell phone? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended ...
12
votes
4answers
3k views

Is the Torah in the public domain? (If not, what license is it?) [closed]

The public domain is, put simply, a collection of works that can be used by anyone, that are not copyrighted. Is the Torah in the public domain? If not, how can we be printing and copyrighting it? ...
8
votes
3answers
309 views

What is the text of kiddush for Purim night? [closed]

My Otzar Hatiflus siddur only has the Kiddush for Purim day. What is the text of Kiddush for Purim night, and how does one incorporate havdala when Purim begins on Motzai Shabbat? This question is ...
13
votes
3answers
1k views

Is a diamond (♦) part of a moderator's name? [closed]

Assuming that moderators are on-topic; how are they called up for an aliyah? Is the diamond mentioned? It's been discussed before elsewhere on the network, though with an appalling lack of Jewish ...
9
votes
3answers
145 views

Contract law and Dragons [closed]

There was a certain schul that I hate and I rented a dragon to devour the rabbi and the congregants. When the dragon returned from its reign of terror, I find out that it didn't eat all the people, ...
1
vote
2answers
76 views

Domo Rigato - in what way? [closed]

A popular yiddishe song incorporates the following refrain: "Domo Rigato, Mister Roboto!" Now, the correct pronunciation of the second word is actually "arigato." This means the famous refrain ...
11
votes
2answers
108 views

Lo Yecheratz Kelev Lishono - What about other animals? [closed]

Rashi points out that because the dogs did not bark when the Jews left Egypt, they were rewarded with the basar neveilah. Since they were uniquely rewarded, this implies that all the other animals ...
5
votes
3answers
133 views

Should we eat Persian food, Indian food or Ethiopian food for Purim Se'udah? [closed]

The beginning of the Megillah mentions that Ahashverush ruled from Hodu - India until Kush - Ethiopia. But, the palace was in Persia. So to best honor Purim what type of cuisine would be most ...
1
vote
1answer
71 views

How do we know that the Megillah reader in shul must accommodate a cheresh? [closed]

The Shulchan Aruch says that a "cherish" is exempt from the mitzvah of hearing the Megillah. My deaf son was surprised to read this statement, and he feels sorely left out of enjoying a beautiful ...
1
vote
1answer
87 views

How is Hashem similar to Mi Yodeya [closed]

We have a famous song called Echad Mi Yodeya and a famous prayer "Hashem Echad". From here we have a Hekesh of Hashem to Mi Yodeya. What do we learn from this Hekesh? This question is Purim Torah ...
3
votes
5answers
118 views

Are there any situations historically, where people are named after names of Tefillot? [closed]

I know some people who were named after various tefillot: Asher Yatzar Annie Zemiros Roz Sodecha Billy Reishis Billy Tachlis Moe Dim Al Coulomb (He's an electrician) Does the Talmud or any other ...
2
votes
4answers
99 views

Are there any Judaic on-line stores that sell Yiddishe cups? [closed]

I've checked Eichler's and even looked on EBay but I haven't found a real Yiddishe drinking cup, preferably one strong enough for piping hot coffee. Does anyone know any on-line site that sells them? ...
16
votes
2answers
307 views

Why did I become queen? [closed]

I'm Ester from the Purim story. My uncle Mordechai advised me to ask here on Mi Yodeya why Hashem made me queen of Persia, as it says: וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת So, ...
3
votes
2answers
115 views

Why Didnt Jacob Shave His Beard [closed]

The verse states (Gen 48:10) ועיני ישראל כבדו מזקן לא יוכל לראות "And Israel's eyes were weakened (i.e. obstructed) by his beard, so he couldn't see". If his beard was obstructing his vision, why ...
0
votes
1answer
135 views

Can You Attend a Purim Party Dressed as a Pig? [closed]

Another thread inspired this question. Can one attend a Purim party or parade in a pig costume? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
9
votes
4answers
166 views

Why didn't Esther listen to Mordechai's instructions? [closed]

Mordechai instructed Esther the Queen, וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת Translation: Ask on Mi Yodeya if this is the reason you came to be a Queen. (It seems that ...
0
votes
1answer
46 views

What do water-carriers have to do with Parshat Emor? [closed]

Many cities in Eastern Europe used to have a Kiddush for Parshat Emor sponsored by the water-carrier's guild. (This much is true, and the real reason makes for an OK entry in the Pun-im Chalashos) ...
-3
votes
3answers
191 views

Should I really go to Gehinnom if my wife tells me to? [closed]

Here's the scenario: This year, my wife expected me to give her a huge diamond ring for her birthday. She didn't want any other gift. I went to the jeweler, and request a 5 Karat Princess cut for my ...
2
votes
0answers
48 views

Halachically, is making a tefillin shel yad with a retractable strap permissible? [closed]

I'm tired of winding the straps of my tefillin shel yad! I can't get it balanced correctly; it keeps unraveling; it gets caught in the zipper of the bag... So, I'm thinking of inventing a retractable ...
13
votes
9answers
860 views

Who made the cholent? [closed]

Every week my wife and I have this problem. My wife cuts the potatoes and onions, adds the barley, beans and meat. But I spice the cholent! I always claim I'm the one who made it because we pasken ...
3
votes
4answers
118 views

Is one allowed to fly a “Yiddish” Kite on Shabbat? [closed]

A "Yiddish" kite is a special kite that is shaped like a huge piece of kishke and has the words, "Ah Gitten Shabbess" (In Yiddish) on it. Assuming that there is an Eruv, would one be allowed to fly ...
2
votes
5answers
1k views

Why do we drink malt whisky? [closed]

It's a Jewish tradition to serve malt whisky at simchas and to drink this also on Purim (in addition to wine at the seuda). From where does this custom derive? This question is Purim Torah and is ...
16
votes
7answers
4k views

PTIJ: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? [closed]

The classic philosophical question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? So, according to Purim Torah Judaism, does it? Sources please. ;) This ...
0
votes
3answers
54 views

Mitzvah of eating sheep for Parshat Yitro [closed]

Many communities have a custom to consume sheep for the Shabbat of Parshat Yitro. Why is this done? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
6
votes
2answers
689 views

What does Mr Bean have to do with Adar? [closed]

We all know the famous Gemara: משנכנס אדר מר בין בשמחה Or to summarize it in a picture (if this is allowed on Mi Yodea): What connection has Mr Bean with Adar and Simcha? This question is Purim ...
20
votes
8answers
6k views

What does Judaism think of math? [closed]

Is it permissible according to halacha to do math? If so, are all kinds of math OK? This question and its answers are Purim Torah and are not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the ...
2
votes
1answer
81 views

Rashis opinion in the Megilla? [closed]

At Har Sinai the Jews became converts, for we learn Hilchos Geirus from Kabalas Hatorah as the Gemara in Krisos 9a says that all the male Jews who exited Egypt circumcised themselves at Mount Sinai as ...
8
votes
3answers
113 views

“until Elijah comes”? [closed]

So I found a hand-made yarmulke the other day in my local synagogue. I tried to ascertain whose it was, but no one claimed it, and the rabbi told me יהא מונח עד שיבוא אליהו, I should hang on to it ...