THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. Purim Torah is a term used to describe humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim.

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1answer
27 views

Origin of משלוח מנות

I heard that the Fulla Bulla Rebbe, Shlit"a, holds that it was the Jews in the northern part of the Persian Kingdom that originated the concept of משלוח מנות. What is his source for this interesting ...
0
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2answers
31 views

Is the name Avner ben Ner “backwards”?

Avner means "the father of Ner", but Avner's actual father was named just "Ner"! Shouldn't Avner's father have been called "Avner", and the son have been called "Ner"? This question is Purim Torah ...
-1
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1answer
28 views

Is the name “Dov Bear” redundant? [on hold]

I know several people whose first and second name are "Dov Bear". ""Dov" means "bear" and well, "bear" is a bear! So the person's name is "Bear Bear". Huh??? What's the deal with that? That's like ...
6
votes
3answers
51 views

Who is the fourth father?

We all know, from when we were little children, that the Jewish people had four mothers and four fathers. The mothers will, of course, be Sarah, Rebeccah, Rachel, and Leah. However, in the fathers ...
3
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1answer
31 views

Is there a problem of Kol Isha when Rina is singing in the tents of the righteous?

Psalms 118:15: ק֤וֹל ׀ רִנָּ֬ה וִֽישׁוּעָ֗ה בְּאָהֳלֵ֥י צַדִּיקִ֑ים The voices of Rina and Yeshu'ah are in the tents of the righteous I can't see a problem with Yeshu'ah ( I know some boys named ...
6
votes
3answers
46 views

What is the hetter to wear earmuffs?

Looking at all forms of traditionally Jewish hats, from hamburgs to streimuls to fedoras to beibers, and even the kangol cap, it is quite obvious our fathers and our fathers fathers did not want to ...
1
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1answer
38 views

If not now, when?

Gee, am I surprised that AFAIK, no one on M.Y. has ever asked for the answer to this question. In Pirkei Avot 1:14, Hillel says, "If not now, when?" O.K. I'm going to do a test .. I'm giving Hillel ...
1
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3answers
48 views

What profit can you get from having a dummy?

Tehillim 30:10 מַה-בֶּצַע בְּדָמִי What profit is there in a dummy? I don't know ... perhaps this is a dum question? Is there any profit in having a dummy? Dum-de-dum-dum... This question is ...
0
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0answers
23 views

Was Mordechai tall or fat from walking too much? [duplicate]

Esther 9:4 says האיש מרדכי הולד וגדול The man Mordechai was walking and "big" Which way was he "big" - height or width? And, why would walking too much make him this way? This question is Purim ...
2
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2answers
55 views

Love Shalom and Kill Shalom?

The mishna says in pirkei avos: הוי מתלמידיו של אהרן, אוהב שלום ורודף שלום How is this possible in practice? The minute someone sees you being rodef shalom they'll either injury you or kill you! ...
4
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1answer
46 views

Why couldn't the idols smell their hands or touch their feet?

In Hallel, Tehillim 115:7-8 it says: אף להם ולא יריחון ידיהם ולא ימישון רגליהם David is discussing the nations that built idols. These people believed that these idols were like human / gods. So, I ...
7
votes
2answers
117 views

Perl Programming in the Torah

According to Rav xkcd (an oft quoted authority in Bam), the universe was written in perl. Since the Torah is the blueprint of creation, it follows that it must contain a Perl Programming manual. Where ...
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2answers
81 views

How long is G-d's nose? [on hold]

One of the 13 attributes of G-d is that he is ארך אפים - one with a long nose. How long is HIS nose? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
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1answer
30 views

Is there a listing that publishes the important deaf person for each day?

Even though he may be deaf, my son still "hears" about something called the "Deaf Yomi" - the daily deaf. He assumes that this is some article or feature that highlights a deaf person or something to ...
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0answers
28 views

Why does G-d hide his honor from His own attendants?

In the Shabbat / Yom Tov Musaf, there's a phrase that translates as: "משרתיו שואלים זח לזח איה מקום כבודו" "His attendants ask each other, 'Where is the place of His honor?'" We say this each ...
3
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2answers
265 views

What does family have to do with the bad dog?

I often here people mention Canine Hara, the bad dog. However, it seems especially common to refer to it when discussing family. For example: I have ten children, Canine Hara. or My ...
5
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1answer
69 views

Human sacrifice

In "Retzei", human sacrifice is clearly mentioned: רְצֵה ה' אֱלהֵינוּ בְּעַמְּךָ יִשרָאֵל וּבִתְפִלָּתָם וְהָשֵׁב אֶת הָעֲבודָה לִדְבִיר בֵּיתֶךָ. וְאִשֵּׁי יִשרָאֵל וּתְפִלָּתָם. בְּאַהֲבָה ...
5
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2answers
80 views

Why do the Chassidim require explicit mention?

In the amidah, the prayer for our welfare includes specific mention of Chassidim, but not of Litvaks, Sefardim, etc.: עַל הַצַּדִּיקִים וְעַל הַחֲסִידִים. וְעַל זִקְנֵי עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשרָאֵל. ...
-1
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1answer
83 views

How do you make a “safer” Torah? [on hold]

This seems to be an ongoing concern, esp. these days. We have had several people get injured from the Torah in various ways. Some incidents: While carrying the Torah, one person injured his leg ...
6
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6answers
122 views

7 girls fighting over 1 boy at the Sheva Brachot?

The last of the Sheva Brachot lists 7 girls: Gila, Rina, Ditza, Chedva, Ahava, Achva, and Re'ut. Shalom is the only boy that was invited. Why couldn't they invite other boys. Don't any of these other ...
-2
votes
1answer
31 views

Is the Kiddush required to be in a separate house / building?

I noticed that the smell of warming kugel and chulent on Shabbat disturbs people's kavanah during davening. I can tell from these actions: People stare at the announcements handout to see who ...
1
vote
1answer
27 views

Why do we bless only the 10th Rabbi in the community after reading the Megillah?

The bracha after finishing the Megillah starts: Harav Esri Veinu - The tenth rabbi among us Why bless just the 10th rabbi. Aren't the other 9 as worthy? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
1
vote
2answers
74 views

Does the oven have a nose and more than one eye?

In the Mishnah, Seder Teharot, Mesechet Calim, in 8:3, talking about an oven, it states: ואין לה גפים, It doesn't have גפים, which K'hati explains to mean היינו אזניים These are ears. And ...
8
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2answers
89 views

“Can't argue with that?” Says who?

There is a famous Jewish adage "על טעם ועל ריח אין להתווכח". However, amazingly, one can find a plethora of disagreements in the Talmud and Halachic works whether reicha lav milsa hi or if ta'am is ...
3
votes
1answer
37 views

Why can't a Tanna write a get?

The gemara (Gittin 84b) writes כל התנאין פוסלין בגט All Tannaim invalidate a get (my very own translation) Why is it that a rabbi of the mishna will invalidate a get (divorce document) by ...
5
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3answers
81 views

Do we know if this is really Queen Esther's Village?

While I was driving today (at this location), I was surprised to happen upon: Is there any evidence in the megillah or any other part of our mesorah that this is indeed the village that Queen ...
8
votes
2answers
259 views

Why do we drink wine on Shabbat?

Why do we drink wine on Shabbat when it's stated in the Kiddush (כִּי הוּא יוֹם תְּחִלָּה) that this is a day of tequila? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
-2
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0answers
56 views

Was the slogan on Kesser Wine violating “Lifnei Iver” - placing a stumbling block before the blind? [on hold]

Until 1981, Kesser Wines was made in Crown Heights. I found a bottle while I was cleaning out my in-laws closet. The slogan on Kesser wine says, "Made on the west end of Long Island". The term "Long ...
-2
votes
1answer
32 views

Can Succah schach be used to make sushi that I will eat on Shabbat?

I noticed that the bamboo mat used to roll sushi is the same shape and material as the huge mats used for the succah. I know that there is a general rule that items used for kedushah - holy purposes ...
7
votes
2answers
2k views

I poured Starbucks Milk Chocolate Latte into my chicken soup. Shouldn't it still be kosher, even if it wasn't so much soup?

This week I was cooking my favorite meat soup when accidentally my Starbucks Milk Chocolate Latte tipped into the pot. At first it was just a little drip, but I lost the handle on the cup and ...
-1
votes
1answer
58 views

Is there any halacha that would prohibit diving into a mikvah? [on hold]

In honor of the summer Olympics that will occur in 2016, my frum community is considering having its own Jewish Olympics that will feature a few unique Jewish competitions. One of them will be the ...
-1
votes
1answer
86 views

Man using a woman's siddur

If a guy were to daven using the Artscroll women's siddur, would that be considered a violation of the prohibition of beged isha? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
7
votes
2answers
267 views

Which shots are we reviewing at least twice daily in shul?

At least twice every day, each shul has someone who says chazarat hashat"z - he is reviewing the shots. Which shots need to be reviewed? G-d forbid - did someone shoot people in the shul? Is a doctor ...
2
votes
0answers
36 views

Is Kenny Ratzon a Kohen?

Each time the chazzan recites a verse from Birkat Kohanim near the end of Chazarat Hashat"z, I hear the congregation yelling "Kenny Ratzon". Who is he? Is he a Kohen? This question is Purim Torah and ...
2
votes
1answer
66 views

Whats wrong with a purple female messiah?

In keeping with the practice of taking half a sentence out of context, and playing with the translation in the name of Purim Torah, I will quote maseches Kilaim, chapter nine, mishna nine. משיחות ...
1
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1answer
53 views

Does Bullwinkle visit each shul after davening each Monday morning?

At the end of every Monday morning davening, I hear the chazan say: "Hu Yenahagenu al moose." - He will make us ride on a moose. Does that mean that Bullwinkle visits the shul each Monday and ...
1
vote
4answers
68 views

What do you do first - light the Chanukia or read the Migillah?

Let's say you do Tosefet Yom Tov on Chanukah. Some people just add a couple hours, but some people are really-extra-super-Machmir and light till Purim. What do you do first - light your Chanukah ...
-1
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0answers
45 views

Should we accept teshuvah from a weeping willow robber? [closed]

Early in the morning of the 7th day of Succot, a man entered Cong. Shomrei Hadust as well as several other shuls and stole all of the shuls' hoshannot. The gabbai and the congregants of Shomrei Hadust ...
0
votes
1answer
56 views

What do we have against Aleinu?

Whenever I hear someone saying something bad to someone else (like "You heard, Shprintzy, someone opened up competition to R' Itzik's Mi Yodea.", gasp, "Lo Aleinu"). Why shouldn't Aleinu? This ...
1
vote
2answers
67 views

How to observe shiluach haken on Twitter

Shiluach Haken is the commandment of sending away a mother bird before taking her eggs/chicks. Now, being that Twitter is like a bird (see their logo), how can/should shiluach haken be achieved while ...
2
votes
3answers
155 views

What did the brave shul men die from?

A plaque in the back of my shul says: "This plaque is in memory of all the brave men that died during service." It seems that these men died during the middle of davening or something. What did they ...
12
votes
2answers
135 views

Has anyone invented a cure for Yahrtzeit?

A few days ago, while in shul, I asked my friend if he wanted to meet me for bowling at 5 P.M. He said, "I can't because I have yahrtzeit." It sounded like a serious sickness, like "I have a cold", ...
-2
votes
0answers
48 views

Who took Rabbeinu Tam's tefillin and why? [on hold]

A large poster in my neighborhood, some time ago said: "If anyone has seen Rabbeinu Tam' s tefillin, please return it to him. He has been looking for it for over 72 minutes." So, who took his ...
1
vote
0answers
48 views

Dr. Bronner's Soap in the bathroom

Let's hope this question will be a tikkun for thinking about Purim Torah in the bathroom. And, for that matter, for having Dr. Bronner's soap in the bathroom. It's great soap. But there may be Torah ...
11
votes
6answers
2k views

Who is this Lamar?

I recently wished the Bam community a happy Rosh Chodesh, and Isaac responded (or at least attempted to respond - he seemed to have begun his Purim festivities early) with: וכן למר Also ...
5
votes
4answers
60 views

Matzah and Maror: With Garlic?

During the Seder, near the end of the maggid, we learn about the manner in which the Korban Pesach, the matzah, and the maror were consumed. In reference to the latter two, the haggadah reads: ...
5
votes
3answers
68 views

Negative Attitude Towards Enlightenment

Why do Jewish sources often refer to the Enlightenment movement negatively, if membership in the movement is a Biblical obligation as in Psalms (41:2) אַשְׁרֵי מַשְׂכִּיל "Praiseworthy is the Maskil"? ...
5
votes
1answer
51 views

Doesn't the Yetzer Hora have a huge advantage over the Yetzer Tov?

Seeing as the Yetzer Tov loves Mitzvos, we can safely assume that he only uses a Kosher phone to aid him in the fight against the Yetzer Hora. But the Yetzer Hora himself has the latest smartphone ...
1
vote
1answer
88 views

My current reputation is 666. Am I over on Machashefah Lo tichayah?

I just noticed that my reputation is standing at 666. Does this number have the same demonic connotations in Judaism that it does in Christianity? And if so, am I potentially violating issurim ...
2
votes
1answer
61 views

Correct way to sing

Many Jewish songs have a low part and a high part. For example: Acheinu, Ko Amar Hashem Zacharti, Habbet, Baruch Hu Elokeinu... For these songs, my Yesiva is careful to sing the low part twice, the ...