Mi Yodeya is a question and answer site for those who base their lives on Jewish law and tradition and anyone interested in learning more. Join them; it only takes a minute:

Sign up
Here's how it works:
  1. Anybody can ask a question
  2. Anybody can answer
  3. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top

If a wife no longer wants to have relations with her husband, is it allowed for her to stop going to the mikva, in order to prevent relations?

share|improve this question
is it allowed for her to stay in the marriage? that's question 1. – ray Mar 26 '14 at 11:56
"stop going to the mikva, in order to prevent relations"? I think a more reasonable course of action for her would be "refuse relations" and possibly "stop going to the mikva, because there's no real point". Another fairly reasonable course of action would be "keep going to the mikva, to avoid harchakos" and "refuse relations". Why would she need to "stop going to the mikva, in order to prevent relations"? – msh210 Mar 26 '14 at 17:39
(Sorry if it seems like I'm breathing down your throat. I don't mean to, and you're certainly very welcome to Mi Yodeya. I hope you stick around and enjoy the site. I'm just confused about the question.) – msh210 Mar 26 '14 at 17:41
@msh210 To reduce immediate pressure from the husband and/or reduce the risk of marital rape and/or as a power play. – Double AA Mar 26 '14 at 17:43
Please email the particulars of your situation to yoatzot.org – Shalom Mar 26 '14 at 23:12

A woman who prevents her husband from having relations with herself, is a מורדת - and this is grounds for divorce.

Details can be found in the Rambam - הלכות אישות - Ch 14 (Halachot 10 - 15) and in Shulchan-Aruch Even-HaEzer Ch. 154:3-6 (למי שכופין להוציא בגט)

share|improve this answer
But is it allowed? Sounds like she might not mind divorce. – Double AA Mar 26 '14 at 14:43
@DoubleAA I agree, needs further clarification. I edited in the source. The Rambam extends Moredet to a niddah, even, so it would seem that he addresses this specifically, though I would imagine he has in mind a woman who is actually bleeding or counting clean days (see law 13). I actually up voted, but withdrew mine, then downvoted and withdrew! I think the tendency for many users who sorta skim is to think either "huh! this is useful" or "meh...", vote, and move on – Baby Seal Mar 26 '14 at 16:53

Rabbi Avigdor Miller writes in his shalom bayis manual, Career of Happiness, that a wife should never cease going to the mikvah because of marital difficulties. However, I'm not sure if it's permitted halachically.

share|improve this answer
It sounds like it's not. What else would "should never" mean? Is it guidance to prevent worsening an already bad situation? – Seth J Mar 26 '14 at 16:20
@SethJ Yes, from the tapes of R' Miller that I've heard, he does not sound like he is stating a p'sak but rather guiding the parties how to get out of difficult situations. – gt6989b Mar 26 '14 at 17:24

Your Answer


By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.