Postponing circumcision: what consequences?

Question

I am an atheist (not Jewish) and my soon-to-be wife is Jewish (Ashkenazi of Polish ascent). She doesn't practice, and she says she is not a believer. We are French and live in Paris. This may or may not be useful information, but at least, it will explain why my English might not be very colloquial.

We plan to have a single baby (for several reasons). If we have a boy, she wants for him to be circumcised when he is 8 days old. As a humanist, I strongly believe that any irreversible body alteration done without medical necessity and without consent is just wrong. I oppose the circumcision at this age and asks that he is allowed to decide for himself when he can consent.

I might give in, and let it happen, but only if not doing it would cause very serious bad consequences for my son. I have researched the Internet (both English- and French-language), and my understanding so far is that postponing the circumcision, while understandably shocking to my wife, would not have dire consequences for my son. That he would still be Jewish. That he would still be welcome in the community, at least later in his life, when he decides to get circumcised by himself. So my question is: is my understanding correct?

Answer 1

On a very practical level:

Infant circumcision by a competent mohel is minimally painful and soon forgotten. The medical clamp procedure is more painful, but equally forgotten. No lasting effects on the literally millions that have had it. It is not a zero risk procedure, but having the baby driven around in a car is going to represent greater risk in life.

Adult circumcision is fraught with many more complications, anesthetic which complicates things, much more pain that is long remembered, possibly including full anesthetic which is downright dangerous - much more so than the side effects of infant circumcision.

On a Jewish religious level, Judaism believes in repentance. As such, it can be "made up" later. However, that assumes he gets there and decides that then. It is a big impediment later, especially for someone who has a more casual relationship with his Judaism.

Your wife isn't particularly religious (obviously) but has a basic Jewish identity which is important to her, and she is very concerned that this will be a hurdle to establishing that later.

There is one other point: If he is circumcised as an infant, he will grow up and ask why. When he gets an answer, he will see that a Jewish identity was important to his mother. If he isn't, and learns about his mother's Jewish identity, he will get the message that it really wasn't that important. That can't be made up later with words.

So the negative long term effect is that there is a barrier between him and the Jewish part of his identity, a barrier that may be insurmountable for him later.

On a personal level, I was almost not circumcised on the same types of concerns. I'm very grateful that it went the other way. I suspect your son may feel the same way when he is older. So I'm going to second Yirmeyahu here and say that it isn't a neutral vs. an active choice. Either one is an active choice with medical, spiritual and emotional consequences.

Answer 2

http://www.torah.org/learning/lifecycles/milah/vol1no3.html

this link provides information and reasons for a circumcision and I believe that even though they are positive reasons they show the downside of not performing a circumcision.With regard to the negative effects,being cut off from the nation of Israel is a possibility if one does not have a circumcision(it is a seal on the person that he is from the nation of Israel) .

Tosfos(Makos 13b) and Raavad(Hilchos Milah 1:2) hold that the punishment of kares(being cut off from the nation of Israel) begins right away and continues everyday.This is a very severe sin.

Answer 3

The only possible consequence for your son is that IF he becomes religious later in life, he will be faced with the obligation to get himself circumcised. If he backs out (because the surgery is nothing to sneeze at) and shirks this obligation, he will be in a slightly "sinful" state, which will pose an obstacle to his good standing in the Jewish community. It will be more of a problem with Orthodox Jews, but the problem decreases with more assimilationist sects.