Mi Yodeya is a question and answer site for those who base their lives on Jewish law and tradition and anyone interested in learning more. Join them; it only takes a minute:

Sign up
Here's how it works:
  1. Anybody can ask a question
  2. Anybody can answer
  3. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top

Today there are many different practices that have been "adopted" (not formally though) among the various Jewish communities on how the parents of an engaged couple divide up the expenses of the wedding - and potentially the couple's expenses as they start out.

In some circles, the larger financial burden falls on the parents on the girl. Often the boy's parents pay for a specific set of expenses (i.e. FLOP, Flowers, Liquor, Orchestra, Pictures). In other circles, the parents always split it 50/50.

Do the sages ever discuss what the proper approach to this important time is? Do we know how the sages and great Rabbis of more modern times dealt in these matters?

share|improve this question
The gemara might imply that the groom paid for catering: אמר רבא חזקה אין אדם טורח בסעודה ומפסידה (K'suvos 10a). – Fred Apr 26 '13 at 3:03
Can you elaborate? What does that mean? – CodyBugstein Apr 26 '13 at 3:18
It means that we don't expect someone to lie about his bride's virginity in order to divorce her without paying the k'suba. The reason we can be confident is that he wouldn't go through the trouble of preparing the wedding feast if he planned on divorcing her. If he makes claims after the wedding, we assume that he therefore actually discovered new information and that he didn't plot in advance to lie about it. This seems to presuppose that he went through the trouble/expense of preparing the meal. – Fred Apr 26 '13 at 4:20
Excellent explanation! Do you know if any communities base their arrangements on the implication of this Gemara? – CodyBugstein Apr 26 '13 at 14:24

Your Answer


By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.

Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.