Tahanun on Superbowl Sunday in competing market? [closed]

Question

Is one supposed to recite תחנון on Superbowl Sunday if he is in the market of a team that is competing? What if it's a multi-team market, like the Jets and the Giants or the Redskins and the Ravens, and you don't support the team that made it? What if you do support the team that made it, but you're in the wrong segment of the market? What if you support neither team, but you live in the market among those who support the team (or vice versa)? What if you're just visiting? I assume מנהג המקום and מנהג אבותיכם are in conflict here, but which one wins (no pun intended of course - this is a serious question)?

---

This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.

Answer 1

• On Superbowl Sunday itself, supporters of both teams should say Tachanun as well as Selichot, as we do on the date of the war - 13 Adar.¹

• On the day after Superbowl Sunday, supporters of the winning team, wherever they live, will probably sleep through Shacharit. If they make it in time for Tachanun, they should skip it, as we do on the date of the celebration after the war - 14 Adar.

• No Superbowl has ever gone into overtime. If one ever does, then supporters of the winning team who live in cities that have football stadiums that were domed since the time of Roger Staubach are entitled to sleep through Monday entirely and skip Tachanun on Tuesday.²

---

^{1. As Superbowl Sunday always falls out on a Sunday, there's no issue of pushing it off for Shabbat.}

^{2. If that Tuesday happens to be Mardi Gras, that'll be the headache of the posekim of that generation.}

Answer 2

http://www.koltorah.org/Volume%2013/Kol%20Jachter.htm

Do We Say Tachanun on Super Bowl Sunday? Of course not! A Chassidic Rabbi was asked this same question. He responded, “Of course we would not say Tachanun on Super Bowl Sunday!” His disciples asked him, “Don’t you believe that one is not allowed to watch television?” This issue has still not been resolved.

Answer 3

We saw in the haftarah of Yisro:

ו וַיָּעָף אֵלַי, אֶחָד מִן-הַשְּׂרָפִים, וּבְיָדוֹ, רִצְפָּה; בְּמֶלְקַחַיִם--לָקַח, מֵעַל הַמִּזְבֵּחַ.

ז וַיַּגַּע עַל-פִּי--וַיֹּאמֶר, הִנֵּה נָגַע זֶה עַל-שְׂפָתֶיךָ; וְסָר עֲו‍ֹנֶךָ, וְחַטָּאתְךָ תְּכֻפָּר.

6 And one of the serafim flew onto me and in his hand was a floor...

7 ...and he said, "This touched your mouth." And your sin will disappear and your sin will be atoned.

In other words, his mouth touched the floor. The floor is down. So he made a touchdown.

But although he made a touchdown, the angel tells him that his sin is forgiven. How is this possible? It must be that he had said tachanun even though he made a touchdown.