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While a woman is nidda and she and her husband are observing harchakot, is it permitted for them to tell each other, "I love you," or is that too suggestive of a statement for the nidda period?

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I've not previously heard the idea that certain speech could be prohibited during niddah (beyond, I suppose, explicit suggestions to transgress). Is that a common restriction? If not, could you say something about why you believe this could be a problem? – Monica Cellio♦ Sep 4 '12 at 22:07
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@MonicaCellio Well, the Shulchan Aruch rules (YD 195:1) that he cannot act "playfully and lightheadedly with her, even with words, lest they come to sin". Whether "I love you" is included or not remains to be seen. – Double AA♦ Sep 4 '12 at 22:17

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Someone asked this of Rabbi Yaakov Hopfer, a major posek on these matters in Baltimore. He said without hesitation that it was permissible.

His interpretation of the prohibition on "s'chok vekalut rosh" is "behavior that is suggestive or disinhibiting." I don't see a normal "I love you" as either of those.

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+1. This also seems to be the plain meaning of the words of the isur. E.g., the Aruch Hashulchan (195:4): "And he shall not make light his head with her with words if they make sexuality common…". – msh210♦ Sep 5 '12 at 2:53
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According to Rebbetzin Faige Luban, a kallah teacher in Edison, NJ, it is required.

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Some additional information (such as who she is) would help improve this answer. – Seth J Sep 10 '12 at 18:54
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Her husband is Rabbi Yaakov Luban, who works for the Orthodox Union and has a congregation in Edison, NJ. – Ze'ev Felsen Sep 10 '12 at 19:04
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And does she teach Kallah classes? Is she an author? A Yo'etzet Halachah? What's her calling card? – Seth J Sep 10 '12 at 19:06
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Oh, she is a kallah teacher. – Ze'ev Felsen Sep 10 '12 at 19:12
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Thanks, +1. :-) – Seth J Sep 10 '12 at 19:43
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A person whose wife is nidah is still obligated to love her as much as he loves himself; anything he says in order to "lessen the tension in the air" is permitted (Nit'ei Gavriel 33:4 and footnote 8). So I guess to say "I love you" to "lessen the tension in the air" is permitted, but to say it for no reason may be closer to lightheadedness.

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A more accurate translation than "to lessen the tension in the air" might be "to cultivate a pleasant atmosphere in the home." I am only nitpicking because I think the latter has more positive connotation. – Dov F Sep 5 '12 at 1:32

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